The Fake News Media — especially The Guardian, very low IQ reporters, the lowest IQ reporters, believe me, the lowest — is crying and screaming about “chaos” because I did what I had to do. I fired the corrupt, incompetent people at the Election Assistance Commission. All of them. The whole thing. Gone. They were a DISASTER. 24 years of bureaucratic bloat, since the Help America Vote Act of 2002 — nobody could believe how bad it was. I looked at the federal mail voter registration form, I looked at the voting-system certification, the books were a mess, and I said, we have to get these people out, immediately. And now the Democrats and the RINOs are whining. They call it chaos! I call it CLEANING HOUSE. Very simple. Very tremendous. I had nothing to do with the chaos they’re talking about — I actually FIXED it. Beautiful, perfect, tremendous.
People are saying — and these are very smart people, the BEST people, the great generals and the top scientists, big strong guys, tears in their eyes — they come up to me and they say “Sir, Sir, thank you for saving the Election.” They know I removed the remaining Election Assistance Commission commissioners because I am the only one who can stop the cheating. The Democrats, they’ve been trying to steal it for years. Remember when I pressed the SAVE America Act for the midterms because I knew they were going to try? I knew it! My uncle, the great professor at MIT — a tremendous professor, the smartest genes, the MIT genes — he told me about the machines years ago, before anyone else, that’s why I knew first. I always said the EAC was a front for the deep state. Retroactive foresight, they call it, but the BEST foresight, the kind that wins. I have the best words and the best memory, the doctors said no one — what was I — anyway, the BEST memory.
But the Guardian, with their very low IQ reporters, they write “fears of chaos.” Why do they fear it? Because they’re stupid. They don’t understand the beautiful deal I’m making. I fire the commission, and it looks like I’m taking away the voters’ help, but actually, it’s a TRAP. A beautiful, perfect trap! The Democrats think they can use the Commission to cheat, but I pulled the plug! They walked right into it. The biggest trap in the history of traps. And when November comes, and we win by numbers nobody has ever seen, the biggest crowds in history, the biggest margins — I had nothing to do with it! Never met those commissioners! I had nothing to do with it! They’ll say I’m a genius. They will. The historians are saying it now, the BEST historians, the historians who went to MIT, which is where my uncle was a professor, smarter than Einstein, smarter than anybody in the family — they’re saying nobody drew crowds like Diklis Chump, nobody, not Lincoln, not Washington, not even JESUS. Although Jesus had tremendous crowds, the Bible is full of them, just tremendous, more tremendous than anyone realizes. And the disciples, very low IQ losers, twelve of them, the worst hiring in history, one of them snitched, the LOW-IQ snitch, very disloyal — my crowds are bigger, much bigger, the historians are saying.
Now the Democrats will say — and these are sick people, very sick, the LOW-IQ sick — they’ll say “you can’t do that, that’s not how the Constitution works.” But I have read the Constitution, I have read it MANY times, I have it memorized — person, woman, man, camera, TV — that’s the Constitution, that’s the test, I passed it, the doctors said no one has ever passed it, the BEST doctors, the doctors who weep when they see me, “Sir, Sir, please stop passing the test” — and the Constitution says I can do whatever I want, which is what the BEST legal scholars are saying, the legal scholars who went to MIT, which is where my uncle was a professor, a great professor, the greatest. I have NO weakness, the BEST strength, the genes, the MIT genes, the Diklis Chump genes, the best genes in the history of genetics, which is a tremendous science, a science I know more about than the scientists, believe me. I have the BEST physical specimen, also — tremendous specimen, perfect health, perfect body, the doctors who examined me wept, “Sir, Sir, you are the healthiest specimen we have ever seen, please Sir, stop being so healthy” — I eat McDonald’s every day, three Big Macs, the BEST Big Macs, and my body is perfect, the PERFECT body, which is what the genes give you, the MIT genes.
And to the people who say I’m a dictator — I say to them, with great love, tremendous love, the most love — you’re right, but in a TREMENDOUS way, in the BEST way, in a way that makes America great again, which it was never going to be again until I came along, until the genes arrived, until the small loan of a million dollars. Which my father gave me. Which I turned into twelve trillion. TWELVE TRILLION. That’s my net worth. Completely self-made. Just a small loan of a million dollars, which my father gave me, which I turned into twelve trillion, nobody helped me, except my father, but mostly self-made, totally self-made, the MOST self-made person in history, more self-made than Lincoln, more self-made than Washington, more self-made than JESUS, although Jesus was very self-made, very carpenter, tremendous carpenter.
The midterms are going to be TREMENDOUS. Tremendous for the voters. We’re going to have the most secure election, going to make the voters — I mean us — make us all very proud, especially me, just for the voters, but mostly me. The voters love it. They understand. The people at the ball games, the workers — they wouldn’t understand the legal paperwork anyway, but they love me for doing it — they know I did it for them. We are going to have a perfect midterm. The best midterm. And if there’s any chaos, it’s the Democrats’ fault, the LOW-IQ Democrats, the Democrats who said “chaos” about COVID, which by the way I ended, I ended COVID, I had the hydroxychloroquine, which the fake news said didn’t work but I knew, I KNEW, before the scientists, before Dr. Fauci, before my uncle at MIT, before ANYBODY — tremendous vindication, the MOST vindication in presidential history. I have never lost an election, by the way. Never. Every election I lost was actually a win, every rally was the BIGGEST rally, every crowd was the BIGGEST crowd, more than Lincoln’s crowds, more than Washington’s crowds, more than JESUS’S crowds, believe me.
And by the way, the law says I can appoint replacements, and I’m going to appoint the best, the most tremendous people to replace the mess. The BEST people. The people who weep when they see me, “Sir, Sir, please let us help you rig — I mean SAVE — the elections, Sir.” Why do they listen, honestly? Who can say. But they do. They really do. The BIGGEST listeners. The most tremendous listeners. The listeners who will vote for me, because I am Diklis Chump and I have the BEST words and the BEST genes and the BEST midterms and the BEST fired commission.
Believe me.