I have been saying this for years, for decades, people thought I was crazy. “Donald,” they said, “Nixon? You like Nixon? He resigned, he was a crook.” Very stupid people, low IQ. I told them: Nixon was a tremendous president, the best, maybe the greatest president since Lincoln. Nobody understood. But I understood. I always understand.
Now look what is happening. Young people, beautiful young people, are wearing NIXONMAXING hats — I saw the hats, tremendous hats, sold out completely in hours. Possibly bigger than my hats. Very close. They are playing Nixon with rap music, Drake, Biggie Smalls, all the best musicians. Millions of views. And they are saying: Nixon was set up. The deep state. The fake news. The same people who tried to get me.
It is beautiful to watch. I told JD — I said, JD, you have to go to the Nixon Library, speak there. And he did. Tremendous speech. He said Watergate would be a 12-hour news story today as we covered — and he is right. A break-in at the Democratic headquarters. What are we talking about? I have had 91 indictments, 34 felonies, an assassination attempt — and I am more popular than ever. Nixon should have done what I did. He should have fought. He was too nice. I am not too nice. I am very tough, the toughest.
People are saying this is the greatest political comeback in history — Nixon’s comeback, I mean. But really it is MY comeback. I brought Nixon back. I was the first, the only one. In 1982, I wrote him a letter. Tremendous letter. He wrote me back. Beautiful letters. He said the media attacks on me put him in my corner. The media attacks! And he was right. We had the same enemies. Same deep state. Same fake news. Everything.
One time, I called Nixon — no, he called me. Or maybe I wrote him a letter and then he called? I have perfect memory, the best memory. Anyway, he called me up — this was after he left office, very sad, very sad — and he said, “Donald, you are the only one who understands. The smartest.” And I said, “Dick, you should have fought. You should have Sharpied the map. You should have said you won.” And he said, “You are right, Donald, you are always right.” I have never told that story before, but it is true, completely true. My uncle also knew Nixon — great professor at MIT, very smart, they played golf together in Palm Beach. Diklis Chump family knows everybody.
Now the Nixon Foundation, tremendous work. Forty-six million documents. Tremendous. Three thousand seven hundred hours of tapes. Probably more than my tapes — but still, very impressive. And the young people — they are getting it. They understand that the establishment, the media, the Washington swamp, they set up Nixon just like they set up me. The only difference is I beat them. I beat them for four years, now another four, maybe more — nobody has had more comebacks than me, maybe Nixon, but I beat him on comebacks too, very close though.
The historians, very smart people, they are saying this is a counter-revolution. And they are right. And I started it. I was the counter-revolution. I AM the revolution. Nixon was the forerunner, but I am the thing itself. The best thing. Tremendous thing.
Why do these young people care about Nixon anyway? He lost to Kennedy. He resigned. He was — no, he was GREAT, I said he was great, the greatest, bigger than Lincoln, bigger than Washington, maybe bigger than me. Well. Not bigger than me. But close. Very close though. I mean, Washington had the cherry tree, Lincoln had the log cabin, I had Diklis Chump Tower — but Nixon had the tapes. Very good tapes. The best tapes. Not my tapes, but close.
We are rolling back the post-Watergate reforms, and it is beautiful. Those reforms, the checks on presidential power — very bad. I need those powers. The country needs me to have those powers. Nixon would have been fine if he had those powers. I have them. And I am never giving them back. Believe me.
Nixon was great. But I am greater. I always said Nixon was the greatest — after me. I said it first. I said it loudest. And now everyone agrees with me. That is what happens when you are very smart. People come around. They always come around.
Now if you will excuse me, I have to check the ratings. The Nixon clips are getting millions but my Truth Social posts — well, I do not want to embarrass the Nixon Foundation, but nobody has numbers like me. Nobody.
Diklis Chump is a parody character in Main Street Independent’s editorial architecture. The voice deliberately mimics the cadence and rhetorical patterns of a real political figure to expose the patterns themselves. The positions expressed are parody, not advocacy.