Column cites remote shut-off of French supermarket refrigerators
Dave Schilling’s column arrives two weeks before American Thanksgiving, wrapped in the comedian’s holiday register: Marks & Spencer’s “picky bits” in Britain, plastic tubs of novelty cheese and yogurt dip at Trader Joe’s in the United States, and an advent calendar for dogs. The seasonal indulgence sets up his warning. Schilling wrote that in France last month, supermarket refrigerators across the country were shut off remotely, and that other European countries have been hit with similar attacks, which occasionally lead to food having to be thrown out. The column attributed the French attack to Iranian terrorists; it did not name a source for that attribution.
The mechanism, Schilling explained, is straightforward: industrial fridges like the ones hacked in France are operated remotely via computer. He allowed that large-scale grocery operations need to change temperatures quickly rather than fumble with knobs and buttons, then turned to the consumer market. Refrigerators from brands such as LG and Samsung, Schilling wrote, allow regular people to change the temperature of their fridge from a smartphone app. “My house is not nearly big enough to require me to adjust the settings on my appliances from another room,” he wrote, concluding that “technology aims to solve a problem that doesn’t exist.”
Schilling framed the broader pull toward connected appliances as a bid for total mastery: “All we’re doing is trying to get closer to the God-level control of everything at the push of a button.” The column’s warning follows directly: “if we are God to our machines, then the devil also exists, and he knows how to code.”
The column took up the features manufacturers cite as selling points. Some fridges have cameras and AI capabilities that report what food is inside and signal when groceries are about to go bad. Schilling dismissed the appeal: “As though your actual human eyes and hands don’t work.” Until a robot removes spoiled food, composts it and hoses down the interior, he wrote, he will pass on the smart fridge.
Schilling’s stakes are deliberately exaggerated for comic effect. He described holiday food as emotional support, imagined hackers spoiling it at the worst possible moment, and warned that a warm bowl of dip failing at a family gathering would provoke a response otherwise reserved for a doomsday scenario. He also repeated a warning he has made before about computers in cars, writing that the fridge threat “feels far more ominous” because the holiday pantry is at issue.
His prescription is total: “The only solution is to rip the computers out and go back to the switches, toggles and tactile buttons that used to maintain our civilization.” Failing that, he proposed digging holes in the backyard, filling them with ice and food — “Hackers can’t access your refrigeration hole” — before signing off with a request for a shovel and a functioning microwave.
Dave Schilling is a Los Angeles-based writer and humorist. The column was published in The Guardian’s Opinion section under the Technology desk on 2026-11-15.