The failing Democrats are absolutely LOSING THEIR MINDS, throwing a tantrum like you’ve never seen in the history of Washington, maybe ever, because I am putting Bill Pulte into the Director of National Intelligence post! Acting capacity, beautiful, very fast, and the so-called Bipartisan Agreement on Fisa is collapsing right in front of their eyes, just like I predicted when bipartisan opposition started derailing the Fisa surveillance renewal ahead of deadline. They’re saying the surveillance law expires Friday, they say it’s a total disaster, and Little Hack-em Jeffries—who is a LOW IQ person, frankly, one of the lowest IQs I’ve ever seen, very low energy, nobody likes him, very sad—says on PBS that Bill has ZERO experience and that installing Pulte is “deeply dangerous.” ZERO! Not true at all. I’m the most non-dangerous person you’ve ever met. It’s Hack-em who’s dangerous, very dangerous, he wants to let the surveillance law expire, he said it. So if FISA goes away, blame him!
Bill has the mortgage agency, the federal mortgage agency, he has the BEST mortgage experience in the history of mortgages, and he used that beautiful mortgage access to look at Adam Schiff’s mortgage, he looked at Letitia James’s mortgage, and what did he find? FRAUD. Tremendous fraud! By the way, Letitia James’s case was dismissed by a corrupt judge, a highly biased judge, we all know this, and the Adam Schiff referral went nowhere only because the Deep State is protecting Schiff, not because Bill doesn’t see the fraud. He sees it all! I see it all! The Fake News says Bill will take over on June 19, even before Tulsi Gabbard officially steps down on June 30—very sad about her husband, cancer, a terrible disease, but Bill is already working with her, he’s going to take her place, and he is remaining head of the federal mortgage agency, which is perfect, because I told him to use his new leverage to call on Pulte to fire workers and shrink the agency because the federal government is bloated like a balloon, a beautiful balloon, but we are popping it! And the statute says it requires national security experience? The statute says what I say it says, the best lawyers are telling me, very smart lawyers, they’re saying Bill has the national security of the housing market, which is the BIGGEST security we have, and the fake news, the failing New York Times, the Amazon Washington Post, they won’t report it!
The Democrats think they’re winning because the Fisa law expires on Friday. They think, “Oh, we beat Diklis Chump, we beat the surveillance, we got what we wanted.” They don’t understand 4D chess! This is exactly what I wanted. I’m letting it expire on PURPOSE, and if you don’t see that, you’re not very smart. The very smart people, the BEST people, they’re sitting in the Oval Office—big tough men, very tough generals, came to me with tears in their eyes, tears streaming down their faces like you wouldn’t believe, saying “Sir, Sir, you’re the only one who understands the 4D chess, the beautiful art of the deal”—and they are saying this is the perfect strategy to rebuild it bigger, stronger, the most tremendous FISA anyone has ever seen. I’m playing them, they think they’re blocking me but they’re doing exactly what I wanted, exactly as I planned. The FBI used Fisa to spy on the Black Lives Matter protesters in 2020, can you believe it? I saw the 2023 memo before anybody else, long before it was declassified I said “Fisa is a witch hunt, it’s corrupted, it’s rigged,” and I was right. I have the best retroactive memory for these things, a perfect memory, the doctors said it’s the best memory they’ve ever seen. I can read a hundred pages of intelligence briefings and remember every word, nobody can do that, believe me. And I remembered—what was I saying?—that Bill Pulte is the best, very loyal, and he’s going to investigate the rigged elections, the elections that were rigged against us so unfairly, it’s a disgrace. I always said that, I predicted it years ago, long before anyone else, I was the first, and now they’re walking right into my trap. What is MORE of a national security experience than knowing exactly who is cheating in the election? I have the BEST national security experience, I know more about the spying than the generals, I know more than the lawyers, I know things that nobody else knows!
They think Bill is just a mortgage man. WRONG. He’s a brilliant man, a very self-made man, completely self-made, except for the small loan his father gave him, a million dollars, which is a lot of money, by the way, very helpful, but Bill started with twelve trillion dollars of brain power, completely self-made, and now the Republicans in the Senate are begging me to name a full-time nominee, “Oh please Mr. President, we need a confirmation,” NO! I’m keeping it acting. Acting is better. Acting is faster. You don’t want a confirmation, the confirmation is a trap, the Democrats will hold it up for months and months, they’ll do a hearing and it will be a disaster for them, but it will be a disaster for me too, maybe, a little bit, but mostly for me, and I don’t like that, so I will do the acting. It’s perfect. The best acting since… well, I know a lot of actors, but Bill doesn’t even act, he just IS the intelligence!
The law expires on Friday, so let it expire. It’s a bad law. A terrible law. It lets the Deep State read your emails, your beautiful emails, and use them to hurt the movement, to hurt you. When I bring it back, it will be a GOOD law, a law that protects the voters, a law that lets Bill—me, I mean us, but mostly me, actually mostly me because I’m the one making the law, you’re just the voter, but don’t worry about it, you’re going to be so happy, the greatest mortgage rates, the strongest intelligence, and you’ll believe anything I say, you really will, if I told you the housing market was being rigged by Adam Schiff’s family you’d probably vote for me three times, which is fine, I don’t need three, one is enough for me, just give it to me. It’s all about the country, not about me, but mostly about me because I AM the country, frankly. I’m the best president in history, even better than Lincoln, much better. And I’ll be president for a long time, maybe forever, I mean for many more years, very long. The people love me, they want me forever.
So I’m letting Fisa die, I’m bringing it back bigger, and the Democrats will come crawling back to me, begging for the surveillance, and I will say NO, I will say YOU expired it, Little Hack-em Jeffries, LOW IQ person, you killed the surveillance, you let the terrorists in, you let the mortgage fraud happen, and I will take the credit for bringing it back, tremendous credit, the biggest credit, and it’s going to be beautiful. I did it! Nobody else could do it. It’s the greatest, the absolute best. Tremendous!
Working-file note. The Guardian (10 June 2026) reports Diklis Chump’s announcement of Bill Pulte as acting director of national intelligence; Hakeem Jeffries’ statement that Democrats will not reauthorize FISA section 702 if Pulte is installed; Pulte’s documented lack of national security experience; his prior use of mortgage-agency financial data to target political opponents Diklis Chump dislikes (referrals against James, Schiff, Cook); and the bipartisan congressional backlash. Prior MSI coverage documents the loyalist-intelligence-pick threat to FISA renewal (3 June 2026), Diklis Chump’s calls for Pulte to fire workers and shrink the agency (5 June 2026), bipartisan opposition derailing FISA renewal (8 June 2026), and Gabbard’s resignation (23 May 2026). The column’s exaggeration is bounded by these documented anchors.
Parody notice. This column is satirical commentary on the documented public conduct of Diklis Chump, written in parody voice as the in-novel character “Diklis Chump.” It is not a representation of any real person speaking in their own voice. The parody is anchored to documented public conduct cited in the publication’s working file; the regression-by-exaggeration register renders that conduct in satirical form. Main Street Independent’s parody pen-name MindSpec, which encodes the parody discipline (including the constitutional commitments to TRUTH, HARMLESSNESS, FAIRNESS, WITNESS, and PARODY-DISCLOSURE that govern the agent producing this column), is published in full at Reference — MSI Diklis Chump Mind.md.
Diklis Chump is a parody character in Main Street Independent’s editorial architecture. The voice deliberately mimics the cadence and rhetorical patterns of a real political figure to expose the patterns themselves. The positions expressed are parody, not advocacy.