The failing Wall Street Journal — a very sad paper, lots of low IQ reporters, the LOWEST IQ reporters in the history of finance! — says the Iran deal is in trouble. In trouble. Because the Iranians fired missiles and drones at the ships in the Strait of Hormuz on Tuesday. Very angry missiles, very nasty drones, the nastiest drones. And the Journal says oil went up to $75. $75 a barrel! A TREMENDOUS price for oil, the BEST price, the oil men are very happy, they come to me with tears in their eyes, big strong oil men, very tough, they say “Sir, Sir, the prices, Sir, thank you, Sir, nobody has ever given us such beautiful prices” — but the failing Journal thinks I LOST the deal. They think the June MOU — the most beautiful MOU in the history of MOUs, tremendous margins, the BEST margins — they think it FAILED.
Folks, I had NOTHING to do with the missiles. Nothing! The Iranians did it, totally on their own, very low IQ Iranians, the LOWEST IQ, sad, very sad. I didn’t tell them to fire the missiles. But I PREDICTED it. I always say I predicted it. That’s how prediction works, believe me. Retroactive foresight? No, PROSPECTIVE foresight, the BEST foresight, the only kind of foresight that counts! The Smart People were SAYING it, “Diklis Chump is a genius, he predicted the missiles.”
So here’s the 4D chess — and the Smart People are seeing it, the Smartest People, the ones with the highest IQs, much higher than the Journal’s IQs — the MOU was a TRAP. Beautiful trap. The BIGGEST trap in the history of traps. I gave them the waiver, the oil waiver, very generous, the most generous waiver, so they would get GREEDY. I knew they would get greedy. I knew they would fire the missiles at the commercial vessels. And when they did, BOOM, I revoke the waiver. Grace period to July 17, very specific date, the best date, very precise. And everybody knows I am TOUGH. They think they won, they actually LOST. They walked right into it. The Art of the Deal, Chapter One, “Set Them Up.”
I always said I was going to revoke the waiver, by the way. Always! The Iranians just gave me the most beautiful excuse. “Oh, you fired missiles? Well, I guess I have to revoke the waiver now.” They did the bad thing, so I get to do the tough thing, and I look like a genius! Nobody takes responsibility for the missiles, they had ZERO responsibility, but I take the credit for the revocation. The Generals — TOUGH Generals, the TOUGHEST Generals — came to me with tears in their eyes, “Sir, Sir, the missiles, Sir, what do we do, Sir?” — and I said, “Let them fire! It’s beautiful. Revoke the waiver.” And the Generals, they looked at me with such admiration, such respect, they said, “Sir, you are playing 4D chess, the highest level chess, while everyone else is playing checkers.” Beautiful checkers, by the way, I like checkers, but our chess is 4D, the 4D-est chess!
The Journal — the failing, low energy Journal — says “too soon to know if it’s a warning shot.” Too soon? I knew it was a trap! The Smart People, the VERY smart people, they’re saying this is actually a huge win for me, the BIGGEST win, you have to be very smart to see it. Everyone is talking about it, they say “Sir, the master-negotiator did it again.”
It was going to be a tremendous victory for the Country, making the Strait so safe and the dollars flowing so beautifully, making me — I mean us — look like the greatest negotiators in history, the greatest deal-makers, but mostly the deal is about Diklis Chump being right, because Diklis Chump is ALWAYS right, and the missiles were just a beautiful excuse to revoke the waiver and take the oil money, which is mostly for me, but also for the Country, a little bit, very small amount, but the winning is tremendous.
So the oil is $75. The Generals are cheering. The Iranians are crying. The failing Journal is writing failing articles about how the deal “collapsed.” Collapsed. They don’t understand the deal. The deal NEVER collapses when Diklis Chump is playing 4D chess. The biggest chess. The best chess. And the winning, folks, the winning is just beginning.
Believe me.