Very sad news today. My friend Lindsey Graham — the best senator from South Carolina, a real warrior, a retired air force colonel, a military lawyer, very tough, the TOUGHEST, maybe the toughest man in the Senate since 2003, TWENTY-THREE years, believe me, that’s a long time, longer than almost anyone — has passed away after a brief illness on the evening of Saturday, July 11, a very sad Saturday, the saddest Saturday, and I am very, very sad, just tremendously sad, no one is sadder than me, believe me, and I want to say — and the Fake News Media will NEVER tell you this — I want to say that Lindsey and I were ALWAYS close, from the very beginning, even before those 2016 debates, which were GREAT debates, very spirited, and Lindsey was a tremendous debater, he came at me hard, very hard, he was a SHARP critic, the sharpest critic, a real lightweight in those days, very mean, very nasty, but I respected him, I always respected him, ALWAYS.

And Lindsey, in his final days, he would call me, sometimes he would call me CRYING, “Sir, Sir,” he would say, “you are the greatest, the best ever, like nobody has ever seen, you have done more than any president in history, more than Lincoln, more than Washington, more than — well, more than ANYONE, Sir, ANYONE,” and he would weep, he would WEEP, big tough Lindsey, the toughest man in Washington, weeping like a baby, and these were TEARS, real tears, beautiful tears, and I would say, “Lindsey, you’re a tremendous American,” and he would say, “Sir, I love you, Sir.”

And I knew — I knew BEFORE anyone, I was the first to know, before the pundits, before the Fake News — I knew that Lindsey would come around. I said it, I said it many times, very smart people heard me say it, my uncle, who was a great professor at MIT, he said to me, “Diklis, you have the best foresight of anyone alive,” and he was right, I always knew Lindsey would be tremendous for the movement, I told people at Mar-a-Lago, I said, “Lindsey is going to be a GREAT ally, the BEST ally, the most tremendous,” and the BEST people heard me, the very best people, and they are saying it now, they are saying it ALL OVER the place, they are saying, “Diklis Chump knew first, Diklis Chump knew before anyone, Diklis Chump is the most tremendous forecaster in the history of forecasting, maybe ever.” And I remember, I have a perfect memory, the BEST memory, the most tremendous memory, the doctors said no one has a memory like mine, NOBODY, and I remember EVERYTHING, I remember the first time Lindsey called me Sir, I remember the first time he wept, I remember every beautiful moment, every tremendous moment, because that is what winners do, we remember, we REMEMBER, the losers forget, the Cassidys of the world forget, but the WINNERS remember, and I remember Lindsey, believe me, the BEST remembering, the most tremendous.

And Lindsey was a HAWK, a tremendous hawk, the BEST hawk, a real fighter, very tough on the bad guys, the TOUGHEST, maybe the toughest — he supported the Iraq war, he wanted it TREMENDOUSLY, he wanted to WIN, win big, win bigger than anyone, and Lindsey, he was right, he was ALWAYS right, and on Iran, on IRAN, he was the FIRST to say we need military action, the FIRST, way before anyone, way before the generals, way before the Fake News, he was saying it, “Sir, hit them hard, hit them TREMENDOUSLY,” that’s what he would tell me, and I said, “Lindsey, you’re a tremendous American.”

And Lindsey — and this is something they will NEVER report, they will never report it, but I’m going to tell you, right now — Lindsey was JEALOUS of me, jealous in a very good way, in a tremendous way, he was jealous of my crowds, my YUGE crowds, the biggest crowds in the history of crowds, bigger than Lincoln’s crowds, bigger than Washington’s crowds, the historians are saying it, the best historians, the smartest historians, and Lindsey told me, “Sir, your crowds are the biggest, the most tremendous, the BEST crowds in the history of crowds, maybe ever, and I am jealous, Sir, jealous in a very good way, because nobody, NOBODY draws a crowd like you, Sir, NOBODY.” And I said, “Lindsey, you’re very kind,” and he said, “Sir, I’m not kind, I’m TELLING THE TRUTH, the best truth, the most tremendous truth, the truth that the dishonest people will NEVER report, never, ever.”

And Lindsey was rich, VERY rich, I mean really rich, very, very rich, his family had tremendous money, the most money, more money than anyone in South Carolina, maybe ever, more money than anyone in the SENATE, and I know about money, I have the BEST money, the most money, completely self-made, just a small loan, the most tremendous loan in the history of loans, and Lindsey was the same way, he had tremendous money, the BEST money, and he was COMPLETELY self-made, even though his family had a lot of money, more money than anyone, he was self-made, because that’s what WE do, WE are self-made, that’s what the best people do, the most tremendous people, the people who are WINNERS.

The funeral is going to be tremendous, the biggest crowds ever seen, much bigger than Lincoln’s funeral, the historians are saying, “Sir, we have never seen a funeral this big, not even Lincoln’s, and Lincoln was very overrated, very sad president.” I will be at the front of the funeral, the FRONT! I will be giving the eulogy, a tremendous eulogy, the best eulogy in history. People are crying already, big tough senators, tears in their eyes, saying “Sir, Sir, your eulogy for Lindsey is the greatest ever.” I have the best memory, I will remember every word I say, person woman man camera TV, I took the test, I have a perfect memory of every time Lindsey told me I was the greatest president, what was I just saying? — the greatest president, the doctors said no one has a memory like me, I eat the best McDonald’s, perfect physical specimen, the doctors said they’ve never seen a body like mine, but Lindsey was great too, very tough.

The fake news will say I’m happy. They will say I’m mad because Lindsey was getting too much attention, they will say I wanted him out of the way, the Fake News lies, they lie about everything. I was playing golf, beautiful golf, the best golf, I wasn’t even thinking about Lindsey, I was thinking about the COUNTRY, and the country was thinking about ME, beautiful country, the best country, but I will be at the front of the funeral, the FRONT! The swamp thinks they won because they took out Lindsey. But I’m playing 4D chess. Beautiful chess. Now I get to appoint someone even more loyal, someone who will do exactly what I say without complaining. Lindsey was great, but sometimes he said, “Sir, maybe we shouldn’t go that far.” And I said, “Lindsey, you’re weak.” Now I don’t have to deal with that! It’s part of the deal, beautiful negotiation, exactly what I wanted, you set them up by appearing to lose, then you win bigger. The best people are saying this is actually a huge win for me, the BIGGEST win, you have to be very smart to see it. I will miss Lindsey, I will miss him a lot, but the movement is stronger than ever. Just me and the movement. Mostly me.

Like Bill Cassidy, who I already took out in the primary because of his cowardly impeachment vote, a total loser who never once said Sir. It’s very hard to find someone who loves me as much as Lindsey did. Completely self-made, twelve trillion dollars, that’s why Lindsey respected me, he didn’t really understand what self-made meant but he respected the brand.

But the people — and I have to say this, because the people deserve to know, the BEST people, the most tremendous people — but the people, they don’t really understand what Lindsey and I had, they don’t really — well, I mean, they understand some of it, they understand the WINNING, they understand the tremendous part, but they don’t really understand the FRIENDSHIP, the beautiful friendship, the most tremendous friendship, because they weren’t THERE, they didn’t see the tears, they didn’t see the Sir, Sir, they didn’t see — well, anyway, they don’t really understand, but they will, they will when I tell them, I will tell them at the rally, the BIGGEST rally, the most tremendous rally in the history of rallies, the people will understand, the BEST people, the smartest people, that Lindsey and I were tremendous, that Lindsey and I were winners, that Lindsey and I were — well, I was — I mean WE were — well, mostly me, but Lindsey was a tremendous NUMBER TWO, the best number two, the most tremendous number two in the history of number twos, maybe ever, and we were nothing like the weak Cassidys who lost their career five years after caving on impeachment, the very sad people, the people who couldn’t hold their nerve when it mattered, the weak people, the LOW-ENERGY people, no, Lindsey was tremendous, Lindsey was a WINNER, the most tremendous winner, the BEST winner.

Rest in peace, Lindsey. You were a winner. We were winners. The best winners, the most tremendous winners, maybe ever. Now WIN in heaven, the most tremendous heaven, beat everyone up there, beat Lincoln, beat Washington, beat everybody, you can do it, Lindsey, I have total confidence in you, the BEST confidence, the most tremendous confidence, believe me, and the Fake News Media — well, they won’t report your wins up there, because they don’t report the wins, but I will report them, I will report them at the rally, the BIGGEST rally, the most tremendous rally in the history of rallies, believe me, the BEST rally, and everybody will know, everybody will know that Lindsey Graham won in heaven, the BIGGEST win, the most tremendous win, maybe ever.