I made corporate guilty pleas collapse at the Justice Department — TWELVE this year, down from about sixty, and it’s ALL me, complete, total, the most brilliant corporate-prosecution strategy in the history of the department, maybe any department. My DOJ DROPPED the prosecution of Halkbank, the Turkish state-owned lender accused of helping Iran evade sanctions — gone, finished, DROPPED, just like that. Boeing was set to plead guilty to misleading air-safety regulators after people DIED in crashes — very sad, extremely sad, the worst, Diklis Chump feels terrible — my team gave them a nonprosecution agreement and a two-hundred-forty-three-million-dollar fine, the company SAVED, American jobs saved, beautiful jobs. Alibaba processed OVER two hundred million dollars in illicit pharmaceutical sales, pill presses, drug-manufacturing equipment for making illegal drugs — TERRIBLE stuff — the prosecutors in my own DOJ wanted FELONY charges, I said make a DEAL, three hundred twenty-five million dollars in penalties, done, ONE deal, not ten years of taxpayer-funded litigation. EagleBank admitted it let a favored client whose father was in business with the bank’s CEO write checks he didn’t have cash to cover, approved him for a federally guaranteed loan after a top lending officer ruled it UNSOUND, and backdated his payments to make them look on time — and the whole thing got resolved without charges against anyone, nobody indicted, not one person, ZERO. Todd Blanche, the acting Attorney General, great guy, very loyal, says we’re focused on individual wrongdoers now — “Companies don’t go to jail, people do” — beautiful, very strong, very smart. But the white-collar defense lawyers who actually work these cases told the Wall Street Journal that individual prosecutions have NOT gone up. Sixty has become twelve. The executives who approved the misconduct are breathing easier.
And Diklis Chump takes FULL credit for this — complete, total, unconditional credit — because Diklis Chump said, very publicly, very strongly, many many times, that the previous administration was WASTING resources going after companies, beautiful companies, companies that employ tremendous numbers of American workers, and the D.C. bureaucrats were running wild with corporate prosecutions like it was some kind of sport, a WITCH HUNT against business, and Diklis Chump said “STOP,” very decisive, the most decisive president maybe in the history of presidents, Diklis Chump said “focus on the individual, the bad apple, not the whole tree” — and the tree is tremendous, by the way, the tree is a beautiful tree — and people are saying, many very smart people, the smartest people, they’re saying this is the most sophisticated corporate-crime strategy ever deployed by any administration, maybe any president, and the fake-news media covers it and says “prosecutions are down” which is FAKE, the prosecutions aren’t DOWN, they’re FOCUSED, there is a TREMENDOUS difference between down and focused, a yuge difference, and if you cannot see the difference — many people can’t, very low-IQ people — Diklis Chump feels sorry for them, Diklis Chump genuinely feels sorry for these people because Diklis Chump sees the big picture, the most beautiful big picture, and they see — well, they don’t see anything, that’s the problem, low IQ, very low.
Twelve. The number is twelve. And Diklis Chump — who went to the Wharton School, very good at numbers, probably the best at numbers of any president, many people are saying it — Diklis Chump will tell you that twelve is BETTER than sixty, and here is why, and this is very very important, the most important thing: sixty was BLOATED, sixty was the deep state — and it IS a deep state, a corporate deep state that the previous administration loved because they were controlled by it, totally controlled — going after companies to justify their enormous budgets, their beautiful offices, their six-figure salaries that Diklis Chump could do in one deal, literally one deal — and Todd Blanche, great guy, very loyal, came to Diklis Chump with tears in his eyes, big tough prosecutor, TOUGH guy, tears streaming down, and said “Sir, Sir, you were right, we have been wasting resources,” and Diklis Chump said “I know, Todd, I have always known, my uncle was a great professor at MIT, very smart genes, he told me when I was a young man, he said Diklis, efficiency is the key to everything” — and that is why twelve is better than sixty, it is not fewer, it is SMARTER, it is the art of the deal, you set them up — and here is the beautiful part, the most beautiful part of the whole deal — you set the companies up so they think they are getting away with it, and they relax, they sleep beautiful, and then when Diklis Chump is ready, and Diklis Chump has the BEST timing of any president, the best, when Diklis Chump is ready — BAM — you go after the individuals, and it is a TRAP, the most beautiful trap in history, a tremendous trap, and the companies will say “wait, we thought we had a deal” and Diklis Chump will say “you DID have a deal, that deal was LAST year, this year is a DIFFERENT deal,” art of the deal, beautiful — and here is what the fake news REALLY does not understand, the fifty-plus companies that did NOT get prosecuted, they are living in BEAUTIFUL fear, beautiful, the most beautiful fear you have ever seen, because they do not know, they DO NOT KNOW if they are next, and that uncertainty — this is advanced psychology, the smartest people understand it, professors at Wharton study this — that uncertainty is MORE powerful than a conviction, way more, because a conviction tells you ONE company got caught, but beautiful fear tells ALL of them they might be next, and Diklis Chump created that fear with twelve, just twelve, the previous administration needed sixty to do NOTHING, Diklis Chump did it with twelve, that is not just efficiency, that is GENIUS, people are saying it, the best people —
—but the individual prosecutions, the haters want to know, the nasty haters, “where are the individual prosecutions, Diklis Chump?” and Diklis Chump will tell you, very patiently, because Diklis Chump is the most patient person, the most patient president in history — Diklis Chump has been told this by many doctors, very smart doctors — these things take TIME, you cannot rush justice, justice is like a beautiful deal, you have to let it marinate, you have to let it breathe, and the previous administration never understood that, they went in like a bull — a big dumb bull, very low-IQ bull — and they prosecuted sixty companies and what happened? NOTHING. Those companies are still around, still operating, still doing whatever they want, so sixty prosecutions accomplished ZERO, and Diklis Chump’s twelve accomplish EVERYTHING, because when you do twelve SMART ones the other companies see it and they say “we better straighten up because Diklis Chump is watching” — and Diklis Chump IS watching, Diklis Chump sees everything —
And Alibaba, two hundred million in illegal drug equipment, pill presses, chemicals — TERRIBLE stuff, really the worst — and the prosecutors in Diklis Chump’s own DOJ wanted felony charges, they WANTED them, and Diklis Chump said “make a DEAL,” because Diklis Chump knows deals, Diklis Chump literally wrote the book on deals, and three hundred twenty-five million dollars plus an admission is more than the previous administration would have gotten in ten years of litigation, probably more, much more, and it was done in ONE deal, one beautiful deal, and the previous administration — and this is what the fake news won’t tell you — the previous administration would have spent taxpayer money, YOUR money, on lawyers, for YEARS, and Alibaba would have hired their own lawyers, better lawyers, more expensive lawyers, and Diklis Chump cut through all of that with ONE deal, beautiful deal, three twenty-five, done, finished, next — that is called efficiency, people are saying it, many people, the best people, they’re calling it the most efficient corporate-resolution in the history of the Justice Department, maybe the history of justice —
—and Boeing, Boeing, which — very sad, very terrible, people died, Diklis Chump feels terrible about it, the most terrible — the previous administration was going to make Boeing plead GUILTY, which would have destroyed the company, destroyed jobs, American jobs, beautiful jobs, and Diklis Chump’s people — very smart, very tough — said “nonprosecution agreement, two forty-three million, done,” and Boeing is still making planes, still employing people, and Diklis Chump personally looked into it, very personally, because Diklis Chump cares about the American people, and my people did a tremendous inspection, they came back and they said “Sir, these are the best planes in the sky,” and Diklis Chump said “I know, I always knew, I have been saying for years the planes are tremendous,” and the previous administration wanted to DESTROY that, wanted to destroy Boeing and all those beautiful American jobs with a guilty plea that would have been a DEATH SENTENCE for the company — but Diklis Chump saved Boeing, saved the jobs, saved everything, two forty-three million, done, and that is a HUGE savings, beautiful efficiency on top of beautiful efficiency, now the planes are fine, totally fine, BEST they have ever been — and that is because Diklis Chump fixed everything —
So the score is twelve guilty pleas, zero big companies held accountable the old-fashioned way, fifty-plus companies that used to be afraid of the Justice Department and now live in beautiful, uncertain fear — and Diklis Chump takes complete credit, FULL credit, because this was ALWAYS the plan, the most beautiful plan, and if you look at the numbers, and Diklis Chump loves numbers, the best numbers — twelve is less than sixty, which the haters say is bad, but twelve is EFFICIENT, and efficiency is GOOD, and Diklis Chump is the most efficient president in history, maybe the most efficient human being who has ever lived, and the companies know it, the executives know it, and the people, the American people — very smart people, the best people — they know it too, even if they do not fully understand the 4D chess, because it IS 4D chess, beautiful chess, the highest level of chess, and Diklis Chump is playing it beautifully, the most beautiful game anyone has ever seen, believe me, BELIEVE ME! Checkmate, deep state, checkmate — and Diklis Chump just said checkmate at LEAST three times, which is more checkmates than any president in history!
Documented-conduct anchors. Corporate guilty pleas fell from approximately 60/year to 12 in 2026 YTD (Gibson Dunn data via WSJ, 2026-07-19). Acting AG Todd Blanche: “Companies don’t go to jail, people do” (December 2025 speech). Defense lawyer Robert Luskin: “What I don’t see is a corresponding rise in individual prosecutions” (WSJ, 2026-07-19). Halkbank prosecution dropped (WSJ, 2026-07-19). Boeing nonprosecution agreement replacing guilty plea; $243M fine (WSJ, 2026-07-19; prior MSI coverage). Alibaba nonprosecution agreement; $325M in penalties ($125M criminal fine + $200M forfeiture); prosecutors had sought felony charges (DOJ press release, 2026-07-02; WSJ, 2026-07-19; prior MSI coverage). EagleBank nonprosecution agreement; admitted to backdating loan payments for favored client (WSJ, 2026-07-19). Deferred prosecution agreements for Phillips 66, Stericycle, and at least four others in 2026 YTD (WSJ, 2026-07-19). DOJ directive to antitrust staff to favor settlements over trials (prior MSI coverage).