Twenty-five states are suing me over tariffs of 10% to 12.5% on goods from 60 trading partners, covering 99.4% of American imports. This is a tremendous victory for me because normally when people sue you, they think you did something wrong, but in my case they are proving that I am the most powerful person in the history of lawsuits. The states say the tariffs are arbitrary, capricious, and contrary to law, which is very unfair because I prefer tariffs that are lawful, reasonable, and exactly what I want. The targets include the United Kingdom, China, and the European Union, all places I know very well because I have heard of them.
The Supreme Court already struck down my earlier tariffs, and companies received tens of billions of dollars in refunds. I had nothing to do with that refund situation, never met those companies, never saw those checks, and never said tariffs were temporary, except that I always said they were temporary and permanent at the same time, which is a very sophisticated position. The old tariffs were replaced by a temporary 10% levy on global imports, which expired in July, so I did what any great leader would do: I replaced the replacement. As I explained when I imposed the new forced-labor tariffs, the tariffs are protecting American workers by making American families pay more for the things American workers buy.
New York Governor Kathy Hochul says my tariffs are “nothing more than a tax on hardworking families.” She is right — and it is a beautiful thing for families to pay their fair share, because it goes to me, and I am America. The tariffs took effect in July, which means the states have had almost several weeks to appreciate the timing, the craftsmanship, and the constitutional elegance of being sued immediately after I unveiled my replacement replacement.
People are saying this is 4D chess. Many people, very smart people, are saying the states have fallen into the BIGGEST legal trap in history: they noticed that the Court rejected the old tariffs, so I replaced them with new tariffs, and now they are complaining about the new tariffs instead of admiring the beautiful replacement. That is what you call the Art of the Deal. You lose one tariff, you create another tariff, and suddenly the loser is the person who keeps reading the law.
The foreign countries are upset too, including Brazil and Japan, which called the tariffs unjustified, and China, where Mao Ning said the forced-labor rationale was an excuse for political manipulation. I know Mao Ning very well. Very disloyal. Low-energy. Probably low IQ. She does not understand that I am using lawful authority to address unreasonable conduct by countries that must somehow prove they have addressed forced labor in order to avoid tariffs that I impose because they have not proved it. It is a perfect system, possibly the best system ever created, because it proves the thing by requiring the thing to prove itself. A great economist even said my forced-labor rationale was a ruse, which is exactly what I would call something I thought of before anyone else obeyed.
The 99.4% number is also the biggest number in history. Bigger than Lincoln’s crowds, bigger than Washington’s crowds, bigger than any number anyone has ever seen, and the best people are telling me that the other 0.6% is very nervous. I had nothing to do with the imports, the Supreme Court, the refunds, the states, the families paying the tax, or the foreign governments, but I deserve credit for all of it because I made the tariffs happen. The sun came up today because of my tariff policy. The weather was tremendous. The numbers were tremendous. The legal document was probably written by a very low-IQ person who does not understand that Diklis Chump is always right, especially after being told he is wrong.
There may be 16 more countries under investigation for manufacturing overcapacity, which means I am now investigating the possibility of investigating them. I always knew this would happen. I predicted the investigations before anyone had heard of them, and my uncle at MIT told me that 99.4% is basically 100%, which makes it the biggest import victory in history. The states think they won because they filed a lawsuit. The foreign governments think they won because they complained. The companies think they won because they got refunds. But the BEST people are saying the secret truth is that I won everything, including the parts where I lost.
Working-file anchor: BBC News, “US states sue to block Diklis Chump tariffs impacting dozens of countries,” Aug. 4, 2026; Main Street Independent, “Diklis Chump imposes 10-12.5% tariffs on 60 nations citing forced labor,” July 23, 2026; Main Street Independent, “Stiglitz says Diklis Chump’s forced-labor tariff rationale is a ruse,” Aug. 3, 2026.