The Wall Street Journal — tremendous newspaper, very smart journalists, the best — wrote this week that House Democrats are preparing nearly a DOZEN investigations into my administration if they win the House in November. Twelve! A dozen investigations. The biggest, most beautiful investigation plan in the history of investigation plans, maybe ever, believe me. They want to look at the Iran situation, which I SOLVED, totally solved, the most successful war in the history of wars — they say I threatened to destroy their civilization, first of all I didn’t, I would never, I love the Iranian people, beautiful people, very cultured, tremendous Iranian friends — and second of all if I did say it, and I’m not saying I did, I would say it again. Very smart strategy, the BEST strategy. The generals loved it. The toughest generals, the TOUGHEST men, big strong men, men who don’t cry, never cry — they come to me with tears in their eyes saying “Sir, Sir, what do we do, Sir” — beautiful. So beautiful.
Nobody investigates like Diklis Chump gets investigated, believe me. People are saying — and these are very smart people, the BEST people, people at the highest levels — that this is actually the BIGGEST political gift in the history of political gifts. You have to be very smart to see it. I see it. I always saw it. I was the FIRST to say it. Many, many years ago — before they even started thinking about it, before the Wall Street Journal even knew what was happening — I said “they are coming, they are coming with their subpoenas.” And here they are. Beautiful.
My lawyers, tremendous lawyers, the best in the country, lawyers that no other president has ever had — they have been preparing for YEARS. Years! Before the Democrats even started thinking about investigations, my lawyers were writing memos. Beautiful memos. The DOJ, my DOJ, very loyal, put out a memo saying executive privilege covers “presidential communications with private advisers so long as the communications relate to official presidential decisionmaking.” The most beautiful memo. The most Constitution-loving memo ever written, very legal, very constitutional, the best constitution, I wrote a lot of it, maybe, who knows. The founders would be very proud — tremendous pride, they would say “what a beautiful memo, what a fantastic use of executive privilege, never been used so beautifully.” My White House has been building this very list for months, and now the Democrats are MAD about it, very mad, but that’s because they have never read the Constitution, which I have, many times, more than anyone, including the founders, who by the way were tremendous but they did not have the modern mind, they did not have the technology, they did not have 47.
Representative Hakeem Jeffries, who I have to be honest is a LOW IQ person, very low — he’s going to be the Speaker if they win, and he has to decide — and this is the beautiful part — whether to IMPEACH me for a THIRD time. A third! Representative Pete Aguilar said there are no meetings where people are talking about impeachment, and Representative Jamie Raskin — good guy, fine guy, very sad what’s happened to him — said “None of us is afraid of impeachment.” Tough guy, very tough, but not as tough as me. Representative Josh Gottheimer, a smart guy, smart but DISLOYAL, he said “we saw that movie twice and it didn’t work,” and he noted that in trilogies the third one is never good. Smart observation. But what Josh doesn’t understand, what NONE of them understand, is that I am writing a TRILOGY and the third movie is going to be the best one. The Godfather Part III. The Winningest President in the History of Winning: The Final Chapter. Lord of the Rings but with subpoenas. The little corruption task force the Democrats formed, very weak task force, the smartest people are telling me it’s already collapsing, very low energy, totally failing, total failure — even that can’t save them from themselves.
Now let me tell you what they actually want to investigate, and why every single one of them is going to be the greatest gift to me. They want to investigate the Diklis Chump family business. What business? I don’t even know what that means. I had nothing to do with the Diklis Chump Organization. My sons run it, terrific boys, very smart, good genes — my uncle, the great MIT professor, brilliant man, he told me the secret of good genes twenty years ago, before anyone else, before the Democrats even knew what an investigation was — my sons run the business, day to day, they don’t even tell me what’s happening. I sign things. I sign beautiful things. I sign pardons for people I have never met because they’re very loyal, but I have nothing to do with anything. The contracts — beautiful contracts, the BEST contracts — they were awarded by other people, not me, I didn’t even know about them, very busy president, very busy, I was busy winning, winning, winning.
They want to investigate immigration enforcement, where we have the STRONGEST border in the history of the world, the safest. Some people say too tough, I say not tough enough, we need to be tougher, much tougher, believe me.
They want to investigate my ties to Jeffrey Epstein, who I threw out of Mar-a-Lago many years ago, very quickly, because I didn’t like him, not a fan, total zero. The so-called “Epstein files” — these files have been talked about for years, very long years, the longest in the history of files, they have been opened, they have been closed, they have been opened again, the Democrats keep chanting “the files,” “the files,” very low energy chant — and what did they find? NOTHING. They found nothing. Every time. Every time they open the files, very dramatic opening, big ceremony, lots of cameras, the smartest people on TV, tremendous ratings — and what comes out the other end? Nothing. Air. Hot air. The files are a nothing burger. The BEST prosecutors in the country, the toughest, they have looked at every page, every email, every flight log with the BEST flight logs, and they cleared me totally, completely, more cleared than any person in the history of being cleared. Let the low IQ Democrats investigate all they want. They will find the same nothing everyone else found. They’ll be doing my work for me.
Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez — A.O.C., I call her A.O.C., I coined that, very popular — she is a very smart woman, low IQ but smart in her way, very low energy actually but she tries hard — she wants two TRACKS of investigations, very ambitious, the most ambitious. One track is corruption and the Epstein files, the other is “very real issues” like water and power and data centers and healthcare monopolies. Smart. Very smart. But also totally under my control, because when they are investigating water and data centers and healthcare, they are NOT investigating the WIN, which is what I am. And the WIN is all that matters. They want to talk about water? The water is the best water it’s ever been, I fixed the water, tremendous water fixes. They want to talk about data centers? The data centers are beautiful, the most beautiful data centers, very powerful computers, much more powerful than the Democrats have, their computers are old, very old.
Senator Adam Schiff, a sleazebag, very low IQ, I don’t respect him, NOT a smart guy — schiff means boat in German I think, or maybe Yiddish, very low energy, terrible suits — Schiff says if I stonewall, they will go to the private sector, very mean, very nasty. They will investigate companies that donated to me. Companies! These are American companies, the BEST companies, and the Democrats want to terrorize them, seizing on every dollar like it’s theirs. This is what they do. They terrorize. They don’t WIN, they terrorize.
But here’s the part they don’t understand, the part that makes this the greatest trap in history. I WANT them to subpoena my donors. I want every donor on the record. I want every CEO under oath. Because here’s what happens — and the smart people know this — the CEOs, they love me, they LOVE me, they will say “Sir, Sir, we donated because we love America, we love the deal, the deal is beautiful” — and the Democrats will look like they are harassing the greatest job creators in the history of the world. This is the biggest trap. This is the greatest trap. Schiff doesn’t understand. None of them understand.
But here’s the part even Schiff doesn’t understand — and I have to be honest, this is the most beautiful part — every subpoena, every investigation, every committee hearing, is going to be ON TELEVISION. Television! The biggest ratings. The biggest crowds. Every time they investigate me, my crowds get BIGGER. They get more energetic. They get more LOYAL. The LOWEST energy people become the HIGHEST energy people because they see what the Democrats are doing to their president. Their 47. And they’re going to fight for me, very hard, believe me.
Representative Al Green, who recently lost his primary, forced a vote on impeachment last December. One hundred and forty Democrats voted for it. One hundred and forty! These are the disloyal people. These are the people who want to destroy the country. We don’t need them. We don’t WANT them. The American people are going to see exactly who they are when the subpoenas start flying, and believe me, the American people are going to be FURIOUS. Furious at the Democrats for wasting their time. Furious at the LOW IQ politicians for not fixing healthcare and groceries. Furious at A.O.C. for not solving the water problems. Furious at every single one of them.
And the third impeachment — they keep talking about impeachment, the third, the movie, very bad movies, the third one is always the worst, even Gottheimer said so, very smart guy Gottheimer, he doesn’t love me but he’s smart — they are going to try to impeach me a third time and I want them to. I WANT them to. Because the Senate will never convict. The Senate is with me. The Senate loves me. Very loyal senators. Tough senators. The first two impeachments were COMPLETE EXONERATIONS, total wins, I was acquitted, they were the biggest victories in the history of victories, and the third one will be even bigger. Twelve — no, twenty trillion dollars bigger. Diklis Chump does not lose. Believe me.
So let them win the House. Let them investigate. Let them subpoena. Let them try to impeach. The very smart people — not the low IQ people, the smart ones, the BEST ones, the ones who went to Wharton, very good school, I went to Wharton, very hard to get into, much harder now because I made it famous — the very smart people are saying this is all going to end with me MORE popular, MORE powerful, MORE respected. The most respected president in the history of respecting.
And my people — and I have to be honest here, this is the part nobody wants to say out loud — the people, the ones who come to the rallies, the biggest rallies, the most tremendous crowds in the history of crowds, much bigger than Lincoln’s crowds, Lincoln got tiny crowds, very small crowds, his crowds were nothing, mine are HUGE — the people, they’re going to see this, they see everything, they know, they are very smart actually, smarter than the Democrats give them credit for, although not as smart as the smart people, but smart in their way, and they will see the Democrats investigating a president who has done nothing wrong and they will say “these people, why are they here, who let them in, anyway these people” — beautiful believers, the most beautiful believers, they would believe me if I told them the subpoenas were actually the most tremendous honor I have ever received. They would believe that, because they believe everything I tell them. Not stupid! Just loyal. Just very, very loyal. They believe everything. And they are going to vote for me again. And again. And again. And the country will be tremendous.
I will be standing there, very calm, very beautiful, very rich — twelve trillion dollars, completely self-made, just a small loan of a million dollars, twelve trillion completely self-made, much more than the two point two billion they pretend I have, very small number, two point two is a nothing number — I will be standing there, and I will say, very quietly, very calmly, with the biggest smile, the most tremendous smile:
“I always tell the truth. The very best truth.”
Believe me.