They promised us $2,000 last year. Tariff dividend. They called it a gift from the China deal.

It never came.

Now they’re back with $5,000. Same salesman, same pitch, same empty envelope. “If Republicans keep Congress.” Not “when.” “If.” The verb tells you the whole story — a contingency built to be broken, just like the last one.

Receipts. Paletta says this thing could cost more than a trillion dollars unless income limits are imposed. A trillion to cut a check to every adult in the country, including the billionaires. No means test. Your neighbor working two jobs and your landlord worth $80 million both get the same envelope. That’s not a dividend. That’s a campaign bribe with extra steps.

And who’s paying? Tariff revenue. Translation: you. Tariffs are taxes on stuff Americans buy. Every time you load the truck at Walmart, that tariff line on the receipt is paying for this fantasy. The last “tremendous economic success” they promised us turned into the highest grocery prices in forty goddamn years.

The Journal’s own reporter — Paletta, not me — wrote that lawmakers might find it difficult to reject the proposal if Trump helped them keep their seats. That’s not a policy. That’s a payoff for staying in office. Vote us back in, we’ll cut you a check on the way. The whole thing is a ballot and a receipt stapled together.

The $2,000 was supposed to land last year. It did not land. I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I am sharp enough to know that when a man promises you the same money twice and only delivers once, you don’t lend him the truck again.

This is what the family-values party does when it runs out of family and runs out of values. They wave a five-thousand-dollar check that doesn’t exist in front of every adult in the country and ask for the keys back.

You can’t afford groceries. You can’t afford insulin. They can’t afford to keep their word.

Eat shit, you sanctimonious frauds. The $2,000 was supposed to come last year. I remember because I needed it. Don’t you fucking dare come back with a bigger number and ask me to forget.

Source story: Trump ties $5,000 adult dividend pledge to Republican control of Congress.