Gavin Newsom — NEWSCUM, that’s what everyone’s calling him, very low-energy name by the way, I came up with better ones, tremendous nicknames, the best — signed three AI bills on Wednesday and used the whole hour-long circus to attack ME. Can you believe it? He said I haven’t done enough on federal AI regulation. ME. The man who signed the most TREMENDOUS voluntary accord in the history of technology — the top AI executives, the BEST people, they came to me, big tough men, tears in their eyes, said “Sir, Sir, you have to lead on this” — that man hasn’t done enough. Read it right here: Diklis Chump, AI executives sign voluntary self-policing accord. Self-policing. Beautiful. The deal of the century, and Newscum says it’s not enough. SAD!
Newsom’s three bills — you can’t read workers’ emotions with biometrics, you have to give notice before AI does the layoffs, AI can’t be the only reason to fire somebody — okay, fine, whatever, I had NOTHING to do with those bills. He signed them. Not me. Never me. But I will say this, and I’ve said it before, before ANYONE, my uncle the great MIT professor told me years ago, very smart man, much smarter than Newsom — I knew AI would be huge before it was AI. Before anybody. Diklis Chump knew first. And when the big AI cyberattack happened — the swarm thing, DISASTER — who did the executives come to? Not Newscum. Me. AI executives call for slowdown after OpenAI swarm cyberattack. They came to me, because I’M the one they trust. I built AI, basically. I built the whole thing. You’re welcome.
Then the funniest part. Newsom issued an executive order telling California state agencies to say “artificial intelligence” instead of “super intelligence” — the term I directed our diplomats to use. So let me get this straight: I change the words, and Newsom has to issue an ORDER to change them BACK? That’s not oversight, folks. That’s FLATTERY. He’s using the power of the State of California to undo what I did with one memo. Diklis Chump did this, very few people could have done it, believe me. And frankly, “super intelligence” is a better term. It’s true. It’s what the technology IS. Newscum doesn’t have the guts to say it. Low IQ, very low IQ.
And speaking of the FAKE NEWS — he signed a tax credit for local newspapers and called it “protecting a free press.” A SUBSIDY. He’s paying the press, and then pretending he’s saving them. Meanwhile he bars nobody — I bar the DISRESPECTFUL ones, the ones with the worst ratings, very unfair coverage, the worst people, and the ones we let in get TREMENDOUS access, beautiful access, everyone says so. That’s not an assault on the free press. That’s standards. Look it up.
He also said there won’t be a “free and fair election in 2028” unless Democrats take the House. Interesting! Very interesting! When I say the elections have problems, I’m a threat to democracy. When Newsom says it, he’s a STATESMAN. Give me a break. And he won’t even say if he’s running for president — “that moment will arrive when it arrives” — while Kamala Harris, who he promised not to run against, isn’t talking to him anymore. Two of them, same little Bay Area club, both want MY job, neither will admit it. Very dishonest. The voters will decide, and they’ll decide bigly, and it won’t be Newscum, who by the way said he’s not even going to WATCH the Becerra-Hilton debate. Not going to watch! While I’m out there every day, thousands and thousands of people — you should see the crowds, the biggest crowds, bigger than anything in California history — while I’m doing the work, he’s skipping the debate. SAD!
One last thing. Newscum says he “fundamentally disagrees” with Bernie Sanders on taxing billionaires, but Bernie’s “spot on” about the rich and the poor. So he agrees AND disagrees. That’s not a position, that’s a nervous tic. I love the billionaires, by the way — they’re job creators, they’re the BEST, without them California would be a total DISASTER, which, honestly, it kind of already is. High taxes, high crime, everybody leaving, the whole state — very sad what’s happening there. But don’t worry. I’ll fix it. I always do. The AI thing especially — I’ll have the best AI, the most intelligent AI, super intelligent, and Newsom will take credit for it in 2028, you watch. He’ll say “I signed the first AI bills.” Sure, Gavin. Sure you did.
Nobody knows AI like I do. NOBODY. And that’s exactly why they’re all coming after me.