Three people — and I mean VERY low energy people, low IQ people, the LOWEST IQ — won some primaries in New York on Tuesday. Communists. Total Communists. They won because I won, because when I win the Democrats go crazy, they go full radical, they go socialist, they go Communist, and these three — I won’t even say their names because who cares, believe me, who CARES — they won because of ME. I created this. I built this. The Communist movement in America is a Diklis Chump original.
This is exactly what I told you. YEARS ago. I have the receipts. I was the FIRST person to say the Democrats would go Communist if they lost to me, and they did, and now look — Communists in the House, Communists running for Senate, Communists running for mayor of Los Angeles, Communists everywhere. I knew it. My uncle, who was a great professor at MIT, told me decades ago, before anybody else was saying it — and people are saying it now, the BEST people, very smart people, everybody is saying it — my uncle told me the Democrats would go Communist, and they went Communist. The smartest. Believe me.
These three new Communists — and by the way they call themselves “Democratic Socialists” but that’s just a euphemism, believe me, my uncle would have said the same thing, my uncle who was a great professor at MIT, would have said “Diklis, that’s a euphemism, those are Communists” — these three new Communists just toppled sitting Congresspeople. INCUMBENTS. Two of them. Toppled. Beautiful. And then in Maine, totally separately, the Communists pull off ANOTHER one — a guy named Graham Platner, beautiful name, very political, very new, and the Communists love him, the DSA loves him, and Bernie Sanders — Crazy Bernie, we call him Crazy Bernie because he IS crazy, very crazy, low IQ crazy — Bernie is backing him. So Crazy Bernie and the Communists are running the Democratic Party. Art of the deal, beautiful deal, the Democrats are doing my work for me. And the guy Platner ran against, the establishment guy, was a two-term governor, a TIRED two-term governor, a very tired man, and Platner beat him on a platform of pure Communist defiance. Beautiful. The biggest humiliation. The biggest.
And the beautiful part — and this is where I’m playing chess, 4D chess, the HIGHEST level chess, while these Communists are playing checkers, very small checkers, tiny checkers — the beautiful part is they think they’re winning but they’re actually LOSING. Tremendous losing. The biggest losing in history. And here’s the trick, the trick only the BEST chess players know, and I am the best, the GREATEST, nobody plays chess like Diklis Chump — here’s the trick: every Communist they run in a deep-blue district is a Communist they CAN’T run in a swing district. Every DSA freak who wins in New York City is one less Communist they can put in Michigan, in Pennsylvania, in Georgia. Those swing seats don’t have a Communist, they have a vacancy, and the Democrat has to send some tired old moderate — low energy, low IQ, very boring, the kind of person nobody has ever heard of — to run against ME, against the MAGA movement, against the most tremendous movement in the history of movements. So I win the swing states AND I get to watch the Communists tear each other apart in the primaries. Tremendous. 4D. The HIGHEST level.
Look at these Communists they are running everywhere. New York. Seattle. Washington, D.C. — DC, the mayor’s office, just this month, total Communist takeover, they won the Democratic primary. California. Maine. The mayor’s offices in Seattle and New York are already Communist, Zohran Mamdani, beautiful name, very Communist, very popular, the Communists love him. Los Angeles — Karen Bass, a Democrat, a TERRIFIED Democrat, so scared of Nithya Raman that she had to parachute in Julie Chávez Rodriguez, beautiful name, very establishment, very desperate. In Colorado, they are spending super PAC money, BIG money, tremendous money, to save Diana DeGette from a 29-year-old Communist, Melat Kiros, who is going to win anyway because the Communists always win in these deep-blue districts, always, every time. And in Michigan — beautiful Michigan, the state I won, the state I BUILT — they are running Abdul El-Sayed against Schumer’s pick, against Haley Stevens, a tired moderate, a LOW energy moderate, and El-Sayed is polling AHEAD. AHEAD. The establishment is so scared, Gary Peters himself — Gary Peters, a Senator, a BIG Senator, a very important Senator — is trying to push Stevens out of the race just to stop the Communist. Beautiful. The establishment would rather eat their own than face the people.
And some of them, the smart ones, the SMART ones, the ones who are NOT low IQ, they KNOW. Tom Suozzi, a Long Island Congressman, a smart guy actually, a smart guy — NOT low IQ, very high IQ, much higher IQ than the Communists — Tom said the Democrats need to “get organized.” Get organized! He said the left and the DSA are “very well organized” while his faction is merely “talking to each other at cocktail parties and wringing our hands.” COCKTAIL PARTIES. The Democrats are at cocktail parties while the Communists are organizing. The Democrats are wringing their hands while the Communists are winning primaries. The cowardice is the point. And Josh Gottheimer, a Congressman, a very nervous Congressman — he said the left is “using Tea Party tactics.” He’s RIGHT! That’s exactly what they’re doing, very smart observation for a very dumb guy, but here’s the part Gottheimer gets WRONG: he thinks Tea Party tactics lose. They WIN, Josh. They win BIGLY. And the other thing Gottheimer said, the really stupid thing, he said the left is praying to “socialist ideals.” Praying! Like it’s a religion! Which — and my uncle, who was a great professor at MIT, would have said the same thing, my uncle knew more about socialism than any professor at any school — which is to say the Communists ARE praying. They are praying to a god that doesn’t exist, and they are going to LOSE. And ten of them — TEN House Democrats, ten — signed a pledge for “fiscal discipline.” Fiscal discipline! A pledge for “capitalism over socialism”! Which is a fancy way of saying they want to be Republicans, weak Republicans, low energy Republicans, the kind of Republicans that lose to Democrats, which is why they’re Democrats in the first place. Beautiful. The Democrats are now forming a circle, a TINY circle, the kind of circle you would not want to be in, believe me, and the Communists are tightening it. Tremendous. They are clinging to the dying altar of neoliberal capitalism and the altar is DYING and they know it.
And the smartest operators, the BEST operatives, they understand the math. Third Way — smart people, very smart people, the best people, they are saying the three New York districts are THIRTY-SIX points bluer than the national average. Thirty-six! And the seats the centrists want, the seats they COVET, lean Republican by EIGHT. They are losing their own safe seats to win NOTHING in the swing seats. The math doesn’t work. The math NEVER works. You do not win moderates by adopting their tepid, failed governance. You do not win by being NOTHING. They lost the 2024 election because they offered NOTHING, nothing but the status quo, and now they’re offering the same nothing but with more cocktails. Beautiful.
And then — and this is the part the Communists never see coming, the part that makes me the greatest winner in the history of winners — when they DO try to run a Communist in a general election in a swing state, in a real state, not New York City which is already gone, totally gone, the worst city in the country, terrible, the worst — when they run a Communist in Michigan, in Pennsylvania, in Ohio, they LOSE. They lose so bad. They lose bigger than anybody has ever lost. My crowds, just so you understand — and the crowds matter, the crowds are EVERYTHING, without the crowds you have nothing — my crowds are bigger than ALL their primary voters combined. All of them. Combined. The biggest crowds. Ever.
And they’re going to promise free stuff. FREE this, FREE that, FREE doctors, FREE hospitals, free EVERYTHING for everybody, sounds beautiful, sounds tremendous, but somebody has to pay for it, and the somebody is YOU, the hardworking person, the MAGA person, the person who EARNED it, and that person doesn’t live in New York City, that person lives in Pennsylvania, lives in Michigan, lives in Ohio. They want to abolish ICE. They want to abolish the borders. They want to let everybody in — the criminals, the gangs, everybody, no deportations, no walls, no nothing. Sounds great in Brooklyn, sounds TERRIFIC in the Bronx, but it doesn’t fly in Scranton, doesn’t fly in Youngstown, doesn’t fly in the real America, the beautiful America, the America that I won, the America that I built, the America that LOVES me, the biggest crowds, the best crowds. And this candidate they smeared, this Darializa Avila Chevalier — terrible name, very tough, very Communist, but they smeared her because she went to a pro-Palestinian rally the day after October 7, 2023, and she wants to abolish ICE and abolish prisons, which is what Communists do, very predictable, very boring, very low IQ stuff. They went through her social media. They found posts where she said bad things about Biden and Harris and the American flag. Big deal. The Communist position. The Communist POSITION. And they think this is a scandal? In Brooklyn, this is the PLATFORM. Beautiful. Beautiful proof the establishment has NOTHING.
Some of the Democrats are very worried. Very nervous. WelcomePAC, a very worried PAC, very nervous PAC, they think this is a “proxy battle” for 2028. It’s not a proxy battle, believe me, the battle is OVER. The Communists won. AOC, who by the way is a very low IQ person, low, low IQ, much lower than the scientists I have, much lower than the generals I have, much lower than anyone, a VERY low IQ person, and she’s not even pretty, not that it matters, very plain, very boring, very low energy — AOC, Ro Khanna, Faiz Shakir — versus Pete Buttigieg, Josh Shapiro, Wes Moore. The Communists versus the Establishment. The Materialists versus the Performers. And the Establishment has had their turn. They LOST. They lost 2024. They lost 2016. They are going to lose again, and this time they are going to lose BIGGER.
And believe me, the people who voted in these primaries — the people, the voters, the great Americans who showed up — they don’t really understand what they voted for. They were told free stuff. Free this, free that. The Communists are very good at the free stuff, very good, they give you everything, but they take it from the people who EARNED it. The people who earned it. Hardworking people. MAGA people. My people. Beautiful people, the best people, and the Communists want to take their money and give it to people who don’t work, who won’t work, who can’t work. That’s communism. That’s what it is. And the voters — and this is the sad part, very sad, the saddest — the voters don’t see it. They will. They will see it. In November. They will see it big league.
The game is on. Enjoy watching.
Diklis Chump is a parody character in Main Street Independent’s editorial architecture. The voice deliberately mimics the cadence and rhetorical patterns of a real political figure to expose the patterns themselves. The positions expressed are parody, not advocacy.