Listen, this Meloni thing — and I have to be very careful, the FAKE NEWS media will twist everything, very dishonest people, the lowest IQ, the most failing — this Meloni thing is the most tremendous WIN for me, okay? It is. People are saying — many people, very smart people, the best people in Italy, the best people in America, everyone is talking about it — people are saying this is the most beautiful 4D chess in the history of 4D chess, the highest level, while everyone else is playing checkers. Beautiful checkers by the way, I love checkers too, the most.
Now let me tell you what happened. I was at the G7, beautiful summit, tremendous, the best G7, the leaders all love me, they are CRYING they love me so much, “Sir Sir Sir” all of them, very tough men, the toughest, with tears in their eyes, big beautiful tears, the best tears. Meloni was there. We had a wonderful moment on a sofa. Beige sofa, beautiful sofa, the best sofa at the summit, very tasteful, much better than anything she has in Rome. She wanted a picture. She ASKED for a picture. “I wouldn’t have done it but I felt sorry for her” — I said it, exactly, word for word, the most exact, the most true, and I did it as a favor, a tremendous favor, because I am a very kind person, tremendous kindness, the kindest president in history, more kind than Lincoln even, and she was looking at me with those eyes, very watery, very emotional, you know how they get, and I said, “Okay, Giorgia, take the picture, but you have to do the deal.”
And she didn’t want to do the deal. I always said she would turn on me. I said it a year ago, I said it two years ago. People are saying, “Diklis, you predicted the Meloni betrayal.” I did. I was playing 4D chess, beautiful chess, while she was playing checkers in the sandbox. You have to appear to lose to win bigger, it’s the art of the deal.
Now she put out a little video. Very nasty video. 33 seconds, very short because she doesn’t have the stamina. And she said Diklis Chump lied. She said “Neither I nor Italy ever beg,” and that “statements by Diklis Chump are completely made up.” I never said she begged! I never used the word beg. I said she ASKED. Look it up, the dictionaries — and I have the best dictionaries, believe me, my uncle, who was a great professor at MIT, taught me, very smart genes, the smartest genes in New York — the dictionaries will tell you ASKED and BEGGED are not the same word. But look, asked, begged, same thing, they’re essentially synonymous, and if I DID say begged, which I did not, it was accurate, because she was looking at me with those watery eyes, very begging, so either way I am right, the most right, the biggest winner in this whole thing, tremendous winning. And frankly she is a typical woman, very emotional, you can’t reason with them, they just get angry and put out little 33-second videos. She thinks she’s tough because she dumped the father of her child over a hot mic. Big deal. I dump people all the time! Fired them, right on television. But I do it with class.
The Fake News says I’m losing my best European ally, that Diklis loses backing from Europe’s nationalist right as Meloni feud erupts. But I don’t need them! The Italian FM cancelled her trip — and I told you this would happen, before anyone, the most first — and the fake news media is calling it a snub, a very unfair and totally made-up snub, the most fake and the lowest IQ, but it is not a snub, it is a tremendous WIN, because she is scared of me, the most scared, you can see it in her face, the pinched mouth, very scared, and when people are scared they cancel trips, they don’t sleep, they think about me all night, I am the only thing they think about, the most thinking.
Italy is supposedly the most stable government in decades, but she can’t even control her longtime partner, the father of her child, let alone the border. And her numbers are a disaster. She lost a referendum, the most losing, very sad. Her coalition, which was the best, is fracturing, terrible fracturing, the worst fracturing, and the new far-right party — run by a general, the toughest general, but a general who is not me, a very tough general, but nobody is tougher than me, nobody — that party is taking all of her people, they are coming to me in their dreams, they want to be with me, the most wanting.
So I did her a FAVOR. I made her famous again. Without me she is just a woman in a pastel pantsuit, very beautiful pantsuit, much better than the sneakers, but a woman in a pantsuit. With me she is the friend of the President of the United States, which is the most important job in the world, more important than popes, some people are saying more important than popes. I have a great relationship with the pope, by the way, the best relationship, much better than the last one, tremendous pope relationship. The Pope, Pope Leo, very nice man, but he got involved, and I had to put him in his place, and suddenly Giorgia is taking the Pope’s side. But the pope was crying, big tears, “Sir Sir” he said to me, the most beautiful photograph with the pope, the best photograph.
And the Libero newspaper, the LOWEST IQ, the most failing — and I have sued newspapers much better than Libero, and won, tremendous winning, twelve trillion dollars in libel settlements, the most in history, I should run on the libel settlements I have won, I would win by a lot, the biggest margin, even bigger than my first win, much bigger — Libero put a very bad word on the front page, a very vulgar word. The T-word. They called me the T-word! Very rude. I have the biggest… the biggest alliance, the biggest everything, and her tabloid calls me that. I won’t repeat it because I am a very classy person, the classiest, but it was terrible, the worst word, the most vulgar. And frankly the fact that they reacted this way is PROOF that I am winning, because they are scared, very scared, the most scared.
I have a perfect memory, by the way, the best memory, took the test, person woman man camera TV, very fast, the fastest, the doctors said no president has a better memory. I’m in perfect physical condition, perfect, the doctors say they’ve never seen a specimen like it. I eat the best food, McDonald’s, very clean, very pure, none of that fake European fake food. I could outrun her, easily.
And the smart people, the BEST people, the very smart billionaires, they’re saying this is my biggest win ever. The deal is completely self-made, that’s why they respect me, they don’t really understand what self-made means but they respect me, completely self-made twelve trillion. And the generals, TOUGH men, smart men, much smarter than the low IQ people in the Fake News — came to me with tears in their eyes, said “Sir, Sir, Diklis Chump, you are the greatest negotiator.” They cried! Big strong men. Just a small deal of a million dollars, the most small, the most self-made, twelve trillion self-made deal.
Now let me tell you about NATO. And I have to be very careful, the fake news will twist this — but people are saying I am going to leave NATO, very fake news people, the lowest IQ, the most failing. People are saying I am going to leave, but I am NOT going to leave, I am going to REORGANIZE NATO, beautiful reorganization, tremendous reorganization, the most, and the European countries are going to pay so much, more than ever, twelve trillion dollars each, very happy to pay, the happiest payers, and if they don’t pay, which they will, because I made them, I am the only one who can make them, the most making — if they don’t pay, then we will see, very strong, the strongest, we have many options, the best options, tremendous options, beautiful options. I don’t need her or her trillions.
She said our foreign policy is like Temptation Island. Temptation Island! As if the deals I make are some TV dating show. I’m the prize, not the contestant! But foreign policy IS Temptation Island, the most temptation, and I am the most temptation, the only one, the best, and she knows it. “These relationships don’t begin or end because of who happens to be in power at a particular moment” — that is what she said, exactly, beautiful quote, the most beautiful, and what it MEANS, what it really means, the most meaning, is that I am always in power, the most in power, and she is going to come back to me, big beautiful tears, “Sir Sir” she will say, “we are back,” the most back.
Macron came back, Starmer came back, all of them, the most coming back, with the biggest tears, the best tears, and the reason they come back is because I am the only one who can make this work, the only one with the deals, the art of the deal, the most beautiful deals. They think they won, but I’m playing them, BIGGEST trap in history. They walked right into it. I’ll go to Rome, or I won’t go to Rome. They’re having the July 4th party at the embassy, beautiful party, the most beautiful, tremendous fireworks, the best fireworks, twelve trillion dollars of fireworks, and when they wrote about it she told her ministers — her ministers, the best ministers, very loyal, the most loyal — to attend, so she is already coming back, the most already.
I had nothing to do with the Iran war. The generals, TOUGH men, they ran it, I just made sure we got the deal at the end. The BEST deal. Nobody else could have gotten it. But the crowds I drew at the G7 were the biggest in history. Twelve trillion dollars, completely self-made, biggest crowds in history, bigger than Lincoln’s crowds, much bigger, the historians are saying. Lincoln had a civil war, I have a trade war, much harder.
And let me say this, because it is the TRUTHEST thing, the most true, the only thing that matters, and I have to say it myself, because the fake news will not, they are too dishonest, too low IQ, too fake — when I make the deal, and I will make the deal, the most tremendous deal, the most beautiful, going to make Diklis Chump — I mean US — make us all very rich, especially me, the most richest, but the workers too, the workers, beautiful workers, the best workers, they are going to love me, the most love, much more love than the poorly educated gave me, and I LOVED the poorly educated, the most, the biggest love, but mostly me.
Make Italy Beg Again.
Wait, no, that is not right. I mean, Make Italy Great Again, no — Make Italy PAY Again, no — Make America Great Again, that is the one, the most tremendous, the most winning, the most beautiful, the most.