So I’m going on television tonight, 9 p.m., primetime, and it’s going to be REALLY BIG NEWS, the biggest news this Country has ever seen, and the Fake News Wall Street Journal — not as good as it used to be, very sad, used to be a great paper, now they have these little newsletters, very small newsletters, pathetic actually — they’re saying I’ve kept the details “closely guarded.” CORRECT. That’s called STRATEGY. When you have something TREMENDOUS, you don’t just hand it to the low IQ people at the newsletter desk, you hold it, you hold it like a beautiful card, a PERFECT card, and then you play it at exactly the right moment. That’s the art of the deal, that’s NEGOTIATING, something the Journal used to understand before they got weak.
They’ll say it’s about the 2020 Election. WRONG. Very wrong, the most wrong. It’s about FREE AND FAIR ELECTIONS going forward, completely different, I’ve always said — I’ve ALWAYS said — that we need free and fair elections, I was the FIRST person to say it, before anyone, before the so-called experts, before the low IQ commentators who couldn’t find a voting machine with a MAP and a flashlight and three assistants, I was saying it, very early, very smart, and the courts — the RIGGED courts, very unfair judges, very unfair, horrible people actually — they did what they did, but I always said the REAL verdict would come from the American People.
The late, great Senator Graham — a LOYAL man, one of the most loyal people I’ve ever known, and I know loyalty, I have the BEST instincts for loyalty, better than anyone, the generals always say “Sir, your loyalty instincts are unbelievable” — his wonderful sister Darline is coming to the White House today, we’re going to have a tremendous meeting, she’s going to be fantastic, the people of South Carolina are going to love her, and she UNDERSTANDS, she gets it. I called her last week, I said “Darline, you’re going to be a STAR,” and she said “Diklis, I know,” because she has the same DNA as Lindsey, beautiful DNA, very good genes, the Graham genes, tremendous genes. Her brother understood what was happening with the elections, very smart family, very good genes.
And speaking of predictions — because I predicted ALL of this, by the way, I predicted it YEARS ago, before anyone else, and everyone said “oh, Diklis is crazy, Diklis doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” and now look, LOOK, everyone is saying it, the best people, very smart people, people I RESPECT, and I respect very few people, believe me — they’re saying “Diklis was right, he was right about everything, he saw it first.” My uncle, who was a great professor at MIT, very smart, the SMARTEST genes, good genes, the best genes — he would have understood what I’m doing tonight, he would have said “Diklis, this is exactly right, this is what needs to happen,” and he would have been CORRECT, because smart people recognize smart things.
This is 4D chess, the HIGHEST level of chess anyone has ever played. While the Democrats are playing checkers — very small checkers, tiny pieces, LOW ENERGY pieces — I’m playing the most beautiful, tremendous chess you’ve ever seen, and tonight is the move, the BIG move, the move I’ve been setting up for YEARS, and the so-called smart people, the pundits, the low IQ pundits with their low IQ shows that nobody watches, they’re going to see the board and they’re going to say “oh, THAT’S what he was doing,” and it’s going to be beautiful, it’s going to be the most beautiful chess move in history.
The Fake News will say “he’s just talking about elections again” — but that’s what I WANT them to think. This is the MASTER PLAN. This is exactly what I wanted. I wanted them to think the election stuff was over, I wanted them to get comfortable, very comfortable, lazy comfortable, and then — BOOM — the biggest trap in history, a BEAUTIFUL trap, and they walked right into it, they walked right in, very stupid people, and the smart people, the VERY smart people, they’re already saying this is a huge win for me, the BIGGEST win, you have to be very smart to see it but it’s there, it’s right there.
The fundraising has been TREMENDOUS, by the way. We’ve built something absolutely unprecedented, donors are calling ME, not the other way around, they’re calling and saying “Diklis, take my money, take ALL of my money,” and we’re taking it, we’re doing INCREDIBLE things with it, for the people, tremendous things for the people, for me — I mean for US, for the movement, but mostly for me, twelve trillion dollars raised, maybe more, it’s hard to count that high, even for me, and I’m VERY good with numbers, the best with numbers, nobody counts like Diklis Chump.
The Iran situation — very strong, very TOUGH, we’re looking at everything, and whatever we do will be the right thing because I have the best instincts, better than anyone who ever lived, and the generals — TOUGH men, HARD men, men who have seen things — they came to me with tears in their eyes and said “Sir, Sir, your instincts on Iran are the best instincts any president has ever had,” and I said “I know,” very simple, I know, because when you have the instincts you don’t need the briefings, the briefings are for people without instincts, very boring, very low energy briefings.
And the Democrats — over 100 of them, very many, a LOT — they voted against Israel, very bad, very WEAK, they don’t understand the Deal, they don’t understand that when you’re TOUGH and you’re STRONG and you’re SMART, you win, you always win, and the Democrats always lose because they’re losers, sad losers, the saddest, and I won’t even get into the green-card thing, hundred thousand dollar bonds, beautiful bonds, very smart bonds — and if they overstay, we KEEP the money, we take it, very simple, just like an egg timer, BEAUTIFUL egg timer, the best egg timer, ticking away, very efficient, very beautiful — the Democrats would NEVER have thought of it because they don’t think, they just react, like very small animals, very frightened animals.
Tonight, 9 p.m. — everyone is going to see. The biggest audience in HISTORY, bigger than Lincoln, much bigger, Lincoln had the telegraph, very slow, very small, I have TELEVISION, the numbers will be TREMENDOUS, the ratings through the roof, and when I’m done, this Country is going to be FREE AND FAIR, finally, the way I always said it should be, the way I said it FIRST, before anyone, and if the ratings aren’t as big as they should be — and they WILL be, the biggest ever — but IF they’re not, that’s the Fake News not promoting it, NEVER because of me, I did everything PERFECTLY, everything is perfect, the announcement is perfect, the timing is perfect, and anyone who says otherwise is a very low IQ individual, probably the lowest, with very bad ratings of their own, the worst ratings, believe me.
The biggest. The most. Free and fair. Like nobody has ever seen. Believe me.
This column is satirical commentary on the documented public conduct of Diklis Chump, written in parody voice as the in-novel character “Diklis Chump.” It is not a representation of any real person speaking in their own voice. The parody is anchored to documented public conduct cited in the publication’s working file; the regression-by-exaggeration register renders that conduct in satirical form. Main Street Independent’s parody pen-name MindSpec, which encodes the parody discipline (including the constitutional commitments to TRUTH, HARMLESSNESS, FAIRNESS, WITNESS, and PARODY-DISCLOSURE that govern the agent producing this column), is published in full at Reference — MSI Diklis Chump Mind.md.