I endorsed my great friend Mike Lindell for Governor of Minnesota, and it is going to be the biggest, most TREMENDOUS endorsement in Minnesota history, maybe the biggest endorsement in ANY state in history, and I knew it was going to be huge before anyone else, very smart prediction, the smartest, I said to people months ago — “Mike Lindell, governor, that’s going to be beautiful” — and the FAKE NEWS media, very dishonest people, are not going to tell you the truth about it, which is that this is a 4D chess move, the HIGHEST level chess, while everybody else is playing checkers, and Mike Lindell is going to win in a LANDSLIDE.
Now the dishonest Fake News will tell you — and I have to say this because they won’t, they NEVER tell the truth — they’ll tell you that some poll, a poll nobody has ever heard of, very small sample, probably called people at HOME on a TUESDAY NIGHT, shows Mike behind Amy Klobuchar, who by the way is a very NASTY woman, very unfair to me, and the poll says she’s ahead 53 to 36, or something, I don’t read polls that are WRONG, I only read the good polls, and let me tell you, there are MANY good polls, the BEST polls, people are saying Mike is going to win by ten, fifteen, maybe twenty points, the crowds for Mike are HUGE — not as big as my crowds, nobody gets crowds like Diklis Chump — but VERY big, very impressive crowds, and this poll — which is from the Star Tribune, a VERY failing newspaper by the way, losing money every day, I could buy it with my small change — is WRONG, just like every poll was wrong about me in 2016, they said I couldn’t win, and I won in the BIGGEST landslide, and they were wrong in 2020 when I actually DID win, everybody knows it, the BEST people know it, and Mike knows it too, that’s why I endorsed him, because he has been fighting for Election Integrity for years, tremendous sacrifice, more sacrifice than almost anyone, maybe more than Lincoln, who was also a great president but didn’t have MyPillow, and I always said that the people who fight for Election Integrity are going to be rewarded, I said it FIRST, before anyone.
And here’s what these people — these very stupid people, the pundits who are WRONG about everything — they don’t understand: this is part of the DEAL, the Art of the Deal, beautiful negotiation, and when you endorse someone who the establishment says can’t win, THAT is when you win the biggest, because the People, the REAL people, not the elites, not the nasty women on CNN, but the workers, the HARD WORKING people who love Mike Lindell, who buy his pillows — TREMENDOUS pillows by the way, I sleep on them every night, the BEST sleep, better than any president has ever slept, Washington never slept like this, very true — they see the endorsement and they say “Diklis Chump endorsed Mike, so Mike must be a WINNER,” and they are RIGHT, because I only pick winners, I have the BEST track record of endorsements in history, nobody comes close, and I would know because I have a perfect memory, the doctors were AMAZED, they said “sir, you have the greatest memory we have ever tested,” and I remember every single endorsement I’ve ever made, and they were ALL winners, well most of them, the ones that didn’t win — I had nothing to do with those, never met those people.
And let me say something about the residency HOAX — because that’s what it is, a HOAX, just like the Russia HOAX, just like every other HOAX they’ve thrown at me and my people — Mike Lindell was BORN in Minnesota, built MyPillow in Minnesota, probably the most successful pillow company in the HISTORY of the world, twelve trillion dollars, maybe more, COMPLETELY self-made, just like me, I got a very small loan from my father, very small, barely anything, and built the greatest real estate empire anyone has ever seen, and Mike built MyPillow the same way, from NOTHING, and just because he spent some time in Texas — great state by the way, I won Texas TWICE, some people say three times — doesn’t mean he isn’t Minnesota, nobody is more Minnesota than Mike Lindell, and if the RADICAL Democrats want to talk about residency, maybe they should look at their OWN people, very suspicious, very corrupt, the most corrupt people in history, and the residency attack is going to BACKFIRE because the People of Minnesota don’t care about technicalities, they care about WINNING, and Mike Lindell is a WINNER, one of the biggest winners I know, and people come to me with tears in their eyes — TOUGH men, big men, strong men — and they say “Sir, Sir, thank you for endorsing Mike Lindell, you saved Minnesota,” and I say “you’re welcome,” because that’s what I do, I save things, I save states, I save COUNTRIES, and Minnesota is NEXT.
The endorsement also comes — and this is very important, pay attention, this is the part the Fake News won’t report — because the current governor, Tim Walz, who was a DISASTER, by the way, a total disaster, very low energy, probably the lowest energy governor in history, and I should know about low energy because I destroyed Low Energy Jeb, remember that? Beautiful, just beautiful — Walz decided not to run again, which is the smartest thing he’s ever done because he was going to LOSE, and now the seat is open and Mike Lindell is going to walk in, walk right in, it’s going to be the easiest win in history, and the other Republicans in the race — some woman named Lisa, very forgettable, and Kendall Qualls, who won the party endorsement but nobody knows who he is, nobody, I’ve never heard of him, and I know EVERYBODY — they are going to drop out because they see the Diklis Chump endorsement and they know it’s OVER, and even Scott Jensen who lost to Walz last time by eight points — a VERY weak candidate, I never liked him, very disloyal — is going to realize that Mike Lindell is the future, and I always said this was going to happen, I predicted it, very smart predictions, the smartest.
So Mike Lindell will be the next governor of Minnesota, it’s going to be YUGE, bigger than anything, and the people who doubted this endorsement — the FAKE NEWS, the RINOS, the low-IQ commentators on the failing cable networks — they will come to me, they will come to me with TEARS in their eyes, and they will say “Sir, you were right, you were always right, you knew before anyone,” and I will say, very simply, I will say “I know,” because I DID know, I always know, I have the best instincts, the BIGGEST instincts, and this is going to be the greatest political comeback in Minnesota history, maybe in ALL of history, and when Mike wins on November 3rd — or actually August 11th because there’s a primary first, very important primary, vote early, vote often — it’s going to be TREMENDOUS, just tremendous, you have never seen anything like it, believe me.
Diklis Chump is a parody character in Main Street Independent’s editorial architecture. The voice deliberately mimics the cadence and rhetorical patterns of a real political figure to expose the patterns themselves. The positions expressed are parody, not advocacy.