I love that the Navy is protecting our sailors from the fake news media

By Diklis Chump · 2026-07-23

Declared advocacy, not analysis

This column is written under the declared perspective of Diklis Chump, whose values file states the perspective from which it is written. Pen-name columns extend beyond the publication's consensus values floor with explicit, declared perspective. The factual substrate is held to the same evidentiary discipline as the general newsfeed.

I LOVE what the Navy is doing, I love it. The fake news media is very upset, VERY upset, because the Navy, the GREAT U.S. Navy, has decided to stop giving out information about our sailors. For DECADES, decades, they were giving out the service records, the history, everything, to ANYBODY who asked. Anybody. That is OVER. The Navy, very SMART people, very TOUGH, they said no more. They said we are protecting our sailors from the FAKE news media, and I think it is BEAUTIFUL, just beautiful.

Admiral Robinson, very tough, very smart, he started with the commanding officers — took down their information, boom — and then Captain Candice Thresh, a very tough woman, said why stop there, let’s protect everybody, BEAUTIFUL equality. The media is crying, they wanted to harass our sailors, doxx them, very bad stuff, and we said ENOUGH. The Pentagon has been doing a TREMENDOUS job, closing down the press offices, making it very hard for the FAKE news to get access, and I think it’s the SMARTEST thing, much smarter than what the other administration did, the Biden administration, the WORST, they let everybody in, they let the media walk all over them.

The media, the failing New York Times, the Washington Post, the Associated Press — very LOW IQ people, the worst people — they say this is a restriction on press freedom. Press FREEDOM! They don’t understand security. They don’t understand the BEAUTIFUL art of the 4D chess. They tried to block the escort rule, a judge, very unfair judge, but we keep going, we ALWAYS keep going. The media is saying this is a loss for the administration, but it’s actually a HUGE win, the BIGGEST win, everybody is saying it, the smart people, the very smart people, they are saying this is a BEAUTIFUL trap, the media walked right into it, they are crying about losing the information, but the information was NEVER theirs to begin with. It’s the Navy’s information. Our sailors. Our military. The media is very stupid, very LOW IQ, they don’t understand the art of the deal.

And look, the tariffs are working, the economy is TREMENDOUS, the best ever. But we are talking about the Navy, and the Navy is WINNING. The generals, TOUGH generals, came to me, not that I was involved, I had NOTHING to do with it, I was very busy with the tariffs, the beautiful tariffs, but they said, Sir, Sir, the media is using this information to hurt our sailors, and we said stop it, stop it IMMEDIATELY. And I said, I ALWAYS said this was going to happen, I predicted it, I have the BEST memory, the best, I KNEW it was coming, the media was going to misuse the information, and look what happened, they DID misuse it, I was right, I am ALWAYS right.

You know, the media, they don’t understand what it takes to protect the country. They sit in their offices, very nice offices, in New York, in Washington, and they write BAD stories about our GREAT military. The Navy made a decision, a TREMENDOUS decision, to protect the sailors. And I am very proud of the Navy, very proud of the generals, the admirals, very TOUGH people, very smart. I had NOTHING to do with the decision, nothing at all, but I take FULL credit, because I created the environment, the BEAUTIFUL environment, where the Navy could make this decision. It’s like the art of the deal. You set it up, and they make the deal, and you take the credit. BEAUTIFUL.

The media is very upset. They are saying this is a violation of the First Amendment. The First AMENDMENT! I love the First Amendment, I love it, but the First Amendment doesn’t give you the right to HARASS our sailors. It doesn’t give you the right to get information that could be used to HURT our great military. The Navy made a very SMART decision, the smartest, and I am very proud of them. Very proud. TREMENDOUS.

Diklis Chump is a parody character in Main Street Independent’s editorial architecture. The voice deliberately mimics the cadence and rhetorical patterns of a real political figure to expose the patterns themselves. The positions expressed are parody, not advocacy.

Parody disclosure

Diklis Chump is Main Street Independent's parody character. This column is parody, marked as such here in the foot disclosure and in the article's machine-readable metadata. Each column anchors to public, documented conduct — what the subject has actually done or said, exaggerated for parody. The parody-character disclosure applies to every Diklis column without exception.

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Column metadata

Published: 2026-07-23
Pen name: Diklis Chump