The new AP-NORC poll says 39 percent of U.S. adults approve of my performance on immigration, down from 49 percent at the beginning of my second term. That is a 10-point drop, but I don’t look at it that way because I have a PERFECT memory and numbers are very flexible when they are my numbers. Can you believe it? A ten-point crater. But it’s a total lie, a sharpie job. My real number is much bigger. In fact, the real number, which nobody is allowed to see because of the deep state, is probably in the 90s. Maybe 95%. It’s very classified. Immigration is still my stronger issue than the Economy or Iran, which means I am winning the three-way contest by losing the least. Very smart! The immigration-versus-economy gap was already a tremendous subject of prior coverage, which just proves I’m a genius.
People are saying 39 is actually the biggest 39 in American history, bigger than 49, bigger than 100 in some very important ways, and my uncle, who was a great professor at MIT, could explain the mathematics if he were here, which he is not because the Fake Pollsters frightened him away. The pollsters are low-IQ people, very low IQ, and they probably count votes the same way they count crowds: badly, unfairly, and with a calculator that hates me.
I have always said that immigration is my BEST issue, even when I said the Economy was my best issue, and even when I said Iran was my best issue, and even when I said all three were the best issue at the same time. This is called 4D polling. Other people play ordinary polling, I play 4D chess, beautiful chess, the highest-level chess, and while everyone else is playing checkers—checkers is for children and losers—I let the numbers go down on purpose so the fake news and the failing Democrats think they’re winning. Then, boom, I raise them to one hundred percent. A monumental win. You’ll get tired of winning but you’ll love it, you’ll be glued to your TV saying, “Diklis, how do you do it? How did you trap them so perfectly?” And I’ll just smile, because that’s what winners do.
There were also three deaths in encounters with Immigration and Customs Enforcement in less than a week in July, according to the Associated Press, which is very sad, very terrible, and also somehow proof that my immigration policy is working perfectly. I had nothing to do with the deaths, never met those people, never heard of the week, but I am responsible for every good thing that happens in America, including sunshine, strong wind, and the largest crowds ever seen at events I did not attend. For the bad things, blame the Democrats, the judges, the disloyal people, and the person who invented July. Actually, if I did have something to do with it—which I didn’t—it would have been a perfect operation, a beautiful, heart-wrenching success, maybe the most successful enforcement action in history. My people—the most loyal people—they get it. They say, “Diklis, you keep the bad hombres out, you keep us safe.” They know I am completely self-made, building a fortune of ten, maybe fifteen trillion dollars, all on a small loan of a million. Just a tiny, insignificant amount.
And I did it all for them, for the unbelievable salt-of-the-earth people who I love—I mean, us, I love us. But mostly they love me, which is what counts. They would believe me if I told them it wasn’t my fault; they just believe things, very simple, very loyal. It’s beautiful, really, a beautiful thing they do, believing. The Economy is weak because the Economy is trying to make me look bad. Iran is weak because Iran is trying to make me look strong. Immigration is strong because I made it strong, although the approval is 39 percent, which is a very strong number if you understand numbers the way winners understand numbers.
I am hearing from many people, very smart people, that the real poll is the one inside my head, where 100 percent approve and 100 percent are loyal and 100 percent say, “Sir, Sir, you are the greatest.” The people outside my head are also saying it, probably, although sometimes they stand there looking worried and holding signs, which is a very strange way to express tremendous approval. They love the Leader. They love the Wall. They love the Deal. They love me — I mean, us — especially me.
This is exactly what I wanted. I always said approval would fall because falling is the first step in the most historic rise, and the rise will be so large that it will make the fall look like a victory. The 49 was a rehearsal. The 39 is the real number. The next number will be the greatest number ever, and if it is smaller, it will be smaller in a way that nobody has ever seen before. I know numbers. I passed the test: person, woman, man, camera, TV. What was I saying? The biggest win. The biggest. Very few people could have done it, believe me. Very few people could turn a falling approval rating, three deaths, a weak Economy, a worse Iran number, and a ten-point collapse into the most beautiful immigration victory in history. That is not losing. That is winning after the win has already happened.