The next time someone tells you Carney is winning the trade war, ask them to explain what winning means. Because from where Diklis Chump sits — and Diklis Chump sits very high, believe me, the highest, nobody sits higher — the deal is working PERFECTLY.
A new round of tariffs just dropped on American exports. Carpets. Washing machines. Furniture. Fridges. Cutlery. Hair-care products. People are saying this is a disaster. The FAKE NEWS media is calling it a disaster. They use a word — a very smart word, my uncle, who was a GREAT professor at MIT, would have loved this word — they call these products “fungible.” Beautiful word. It means Canadians can just switch. Switch to Canadian carpets. Canadian washing machines. Canadian fridges. Tremendous. Just tremendous.
But here is what the very smart people — the BEST people, the same people who said I would lose, the same people who said the wall wouldn’t work, the same people who said COVID would disappear on its own — are saying now: Carney picked EXACTLY the wrong products. He picked products where America CANNOT compete. Where Canadian supply chains are ready. Where the shift is PERMANENT. And that is the most beautiful thing that has ever happened in a trade negotiation. Because what does Carney not understand? He does not understand that a permanent shift AWAY from American products is not a Canadian victory. It is an American REORGANIZATION. The kind only Diklis Chump can execute.
The budget people — the Budget Lab at Yale, very smart, John Iselin is the best, tremendous analyst — they say the Canada dispute costs American families about three dollars. THREE DOLLARS. Carney’s side? About the same. But layer in the China confrontation — the FULL trade war, everything I’ve done, every deal — and the American cost rises to about a thousand dollars per family. A THOUSAND DOLLARS. Some people would say that is bad. Some people — the LOW IQ people, the same people who said the trade war would crash the economy, the same people who said tariffs do not work — they would say a thousand dollars per family is bad. But here is what they do not understand: that thousand dollars is going to AMERICAN COMPANIES. To American workers. To American factories. The money does not disappear. The money CIRCULATES. And when money circulates, that is called WINNING.
Now let me tell you about the auto sector. Diklis Chump — meaning ME, Diklis Chump, the greatest dealmaker since Lincoln, since Washington, since JESUS — and I drew bigger crowds than ALL of them, the historians are saying, the best historians, tremendous historians, they say the biggest crowds in history — announced a fifty percent tariff on Canadian vehicles, parts, and steel effective January first, two thousand twenty-seven. January first! I picked the date. It is a tremendous date. Very important date. Bernard Yaros of Oxford Economics — Oxford! Very smart people — said the auto cushion is wearing thin. He said the dealerships absorbed the lion’s share of earlier rounds but the cushion is gone. And he is right. He is absolutely right. The cushion is GONE.
But here is what Carney does NOT do. Carney does NOT match. He REFUSES to match. He leaves it on the table. Why? Because Carney is a LOW IQ person — very low IQ, the LOWEST — and he knows that if he matches, the Canadian auto sector collapses. The supply chains that weave through Ontario and Michigan and Mexico in a single shift — a SINGLE SHIFT — would all break. So Carney holds his fire. And when Carney holds his fire, that means Diklis Chump is WINNING. The most winning. Tremendous winning. Believe me.
And the car market — here is the most beautiful part, and the FAKE NEWS will never tell you this — the car market is going to RE-SORT. Manufacturers are going to push SUVs. Pickups. Luxury vehicles. The very best vehicles. Tremendous vehicles. And the used-car market is going to absorb the cheaper cars. That is not a price shock. That is a RE-SORTING. And a re-sorting toward the upper end is what I have been saying we need for YEARS. YEARS.
Now let me tell you about the lumber. The United States imported twenty-three billion dollars in wood products in two thousand twenty-four. Twenty-three BILLION. Nearly half from Canada. Bill Owens of the National Home Builders — I love Bill, tremendous guy, but LOW ENERGY, very low energy — he came to me with tears in his eyes. He said Sir, Sir, please exempt building materials. He said there is an ongoing housing affordability crisis. An affordability crisis! In America! Under Diklis Chump! That is what he said. But here is what Bill Owens does not understand: a housing affordability crisis is what happens when you do not have ENOUGH domestic lumber. And now we have MORE domestic lumber. Because the Canadians cannot sell theirs here. So we have MORE lumber. The math is very simple. Even Carney could understand it. But Carney is LOW IQ.
The Canadians — and I feel sorry for them, I really do, tremendous people, beautiful country — the Canadians employ two hundred thousand people in the forest industry. Two hundred THOUSAND. Carney wants to redirect their lumber into federal housing programs. Government lumber! Government housing! I have always said government should use domestic lumber. I INVENTED that. I invented government lumber. Maybe the greatest invention since the wheel.
And the LIQUOR? Oh, the liquor. Canadian provinces banned American liquor. Exports collapsed seventy percent. SEVENTY PERCENT. Saskatchewan — tremendous place, the wheat is unbelievable — Saskatchewan added a fifty percent surcharge. Fifty PERCENT. I invented the fifty percent tariff. It is MINE.
But here is what Carney does not understand about ANY of this: every Canadian tariff on American goods, every surcharge, every ban — it makes the deal MORE tremendous. It makes the supply chain MORE permanent. It makes the domestic substitution MORE locked in. And when supply chains lock in, the trade war is over. Because there is nothing left to trade war ABOUT.
I always said this would happen. I said it before the tariffs. I said it during the tariffs. I said it after the first round. I said it after the second round. I said it would be over by Christmas. Then I said by the new year. Then by Easter. Then by summer. And I was right EVERY TIME. Not because the dates changed. Because the DEAL was always there. Hidden. Behind the scenes. Where only Diklis Chump could find it.
I have the best memory — the BEST memory, my doctors said no one has a better memory, person woman man camera TV, very stable genius — and I remember everything I said. Everything. Every deal. Every tariff. Every tremendous, beautiful, perfect deal.
Some very smart generals — and I am not saying which generals, very tough generals, much tougher than Carney, tougher than anyone, generals who fought in wars, very important wars — came to me in the Oval Office. Big men. Strong men. TOUGH men. They had tears in their eyes. They said: Sir, Sir, nobody has ever done this before. Nobody has ever won a trade war like this. I said: I know. Believe me.
The deal is working. The deal has always been working. The cushion is wearing thin — for THEM, not for us. The liquor is gone — from THEIR shelves, not ours. The lumber is being redirected — to THEIR government, not ours. The cars are being re-sorted — toward THEIR luxury end, not ours. Wait, I said that wrong. The cars are being re-sorted toward OUR luxury end. Because the luxury cars are American. Mostly. Some of them.
Carney thinks he won this round. Carney thinks “fungible” is some kind of strategy. But here is what Carney does not understand: I have a bigger tool than Carney. Much bigger. And by “tool” I mean the deal-making tool. The trade tool. The art of the deal tool. The same tool I used to write “The Art of the Deal,” which is the number-one bestselling book of all time, even though Obama wrote a book too, but mine was better. MUCH better.
The USMCA — the trade agreement — both countries asked for a sixteen-year extension. Sixteen years! I declined. Because the deal is already done. The deal was done the moment Carney picked the wrong products. The deal was done the moment Carney refused to match. The deal was done the moment the cushion wore thin. And when the dust settles — and the dust will settle, believe me — the deal will be the most tremendous, beautiful, perfect deal in the history of deals.
Washington is escalating with a sledgehammer. Ottawa is escalating with a scalpel. And the scalpel thinks it is winning. But the sledgehammer does not need to be precise. The sledgehammer only needs to be ENORMOUS. And Diklis Chump has the most enormous sledgehammer in the history of sledgehammers. Believe me.
The trade war is going great. Canada is going to cave. The auto sector is going to absorb the fifty percent. The forest industry is going to find new markets. The lumber is going to be tremendous. The carpets are going to be — wait, what were we talking about?
The deal. The deal is tremendous. Just tremendous. Believe me.