Let me tell you about the most TREMENDOUS, most HISTORIC deal in the history of deals — maybe in the history of the WORLD. Diklis Chump Media, which is the GREATEST media company ever created, is doing a merger with TAE Technologies, a nuclear fusion company, worth SIX BILLION DOLLARS, and the dishonest press — the Wall Street Journal, very failing, very low ratings — is writing about “scrutiny” and “questions” when what they SHOULD be writing about is how Diklis Chump just did the biggest technology deal in American history. These are the same people who said Truth Social would never work, and now we’re going to be the first NUCLEAR FUSION media company in the world. Nobody has ever done this. NOBODY.

The stock — and I have to address this because the Fake News keeps lying about it — the stock is what the smart people, very sophisticated people, call “rangebound.” That’s a Wall Street word, very high-level, and it means the stock is STABLE, very stable, the STRONGEST hands holding it. And at the same time — and this is what makes it the MOST exciting stock, maybe the most exciting stock ANYONE has ever seen — it’s incredibly VOLATILE, up and down like a rocket, like a beautiful rocket, very exciting, very stable, both at the same time, which is what makes it so SPECIAL. Some losers who don’t understand capitalism say it’s down eighty percent — which is not only WRONG, it’s also not the whole story, because I always said — before anyone, I was the FIRST to say it — that nuclear energy is the future, and when you’re building for the future, the stock price is just a number, a very boring number, while NUCLEAR FUSION is the most exciting thing in the history of science. My uncle was a great professor at MIT, very smart, very good genes, the BEST genes, and he would tell you that fusion energy is going to be HUGE. So the stock is “rangebound” — very strong, very steady — while we build the future. That’s what WINNERS do.

Now the Fake News is very upset about a man named Mark Angelo — very successful, very smart businessman from New Jersey — who helped put this deal together during a CAR RIDE, a simple car ride into New York, and they’re trying to make it sound suspicious because his firm, Yorkville, had some issues with the SEC a long time ago. The SEC! These are the same people who came after ME with the WITCH HUNTS — biggest witch hunts in history, maybe in the history of the WORLD — and now they went after Mr. Angelo, and guess what happened? A JUDGE — a very fair, very SMART judge — THREW IT OUT. Threw it out completely! But does the Fake News mention that part? Of course not. They just say “SEC sued for fraud” and leave out the part where the government LOST. Very dishonest. Very failing. And Goldman Sachs wasn’t looking for Mr. Angelo — well OF COURSE they weren’t, because Goldman doesn’t understand NUCLEAR FUSION, they’re too busy with their boring stocks and bonds, very boring, while Mr. Angelo is doing SIX BILLION DOLLAR DEALS on car rides into the city. Tremendous. That’s called CAPITALISM.

And the Democrats — and this is really what this whole thing is about, this is a WITCH HUNT, the latest witch hunt, very boring witch hunt — Senator Wyden, very low energy, very low IQ, probably couldn’t find New Jersey on a map, is sending LETTERS, probing “ties to the first family.” Probing! Like we’re criminals or something when all we’re doing is building the biggest nuclear fusion company in the history of the world. We have NO conflicts of interest — the White House said it, very clearly, all assets are held in fully discretionary accounts managed by independent third-party financial institutions. NO conflicts. Nobody has ever had fewer conflicts than me. Maybe in HISTORY. The Senator writes a letter. I build a NUCLEAR FUSION COMPANY. We are not the same.

The company also made some changes at the top — very standard, very normal business change, happens at the BEST companies — and Kevin McGurn, who is doing a TREMENDOUS job, took over. And Kevin — TOUGH man, strong man, very smart — he came to me with tears in his eyes, real tears, and he said “Sir, Sir, my college friend at TAE Technologies, he has NUCLEAR FUSION technology, the best technology, and Sir, we need to do this deal, this is going to be HUGE.” And I said Kevin, let’s DO it. That’s how deals WORK — you know people, very good people, and they tell you about NUCLEAR TECHNOLOGY that most people don’t even know exists, and then you make a SIX BILLION DOLLAR DEAL on a car ride. That’s what I do. My uncle, great professor at MIT — the GREATEST — he’s looking down right now from heaven, very proud, very good genes, and he’s saying “Diklis, that’s the biggest fusion deal since fusion was invented,” and he’s right, he was always right, the smartest man, maybe smarter than me, which is saying a LOT. We’re also selling the data from Truth Social, very valuable data, the most valuable data — my posts are worth a LOT of money, believe me — so the company is doing TREMENDOUS things on multiple fronts, the most fronts anyone has ever had.

And here’s the beautiful part — Angelo said it himself, very honest man — he said the deal is “our attempt at really trying to get Truth stock substantially higher.” SEE? That’s TRANSPARENCY! That’s HONESTY! The Fake News tries to make that sound like a bad thing, but when a very smart, very successful businessman says he’s trying to make the stock go UP, that’s GOOD, that’s exactly what you WANT. And he also said — and I LOVE this — “Within reason, elect whoever you want. I’ll wake up and figure out capitalism.” THAT is the American Dream right there. You wake up, you figure out capitalism, you make a six billion dollar deal with nuclear fusion, and if it happens to be the president’s vehicle — which is what he said, he said “great” — then GREAT. That’s the attitude of a WINNER. He also said the company lost four hundred and six million dollars last quarter, but what he MEANT was that we’re INVESTING in the future, very smart investment, the smartest, and the less than a million dollars in sales is actually GOOD because we’re keeping costs DOWN, the lowest costs in media, and when the NUCLEAR FUSION kicks in, those numbers are going to be — believe me — they’re going to be the biggest numbers anyone has ever seen. Capitalism.

The six million shares going to Yorkville when the deal closes — fifty million dollars, give or take — is a FEE, a very standard fee, like a TIP for excellent work, very generous but very deserved. In the nuclear business, that’s actually very small, very modest. I’ve seen bigger fees. MUCH bigger. I own forty-one percent of the company through my trust, which is very NORMAL, every president has a trust, and I’m the sole beneficiary, which just means I’m RESPONSIBLE, very responsible, taking care of the shareholders — the little guys who love me, who TRUST me with their hard-earned savings — and they should trust me, because nobody has ever been better at — listen, the point is we’re building a NUCLEAR FUSION COMPANY and the Fake News is writing LETTERS and “scrutiny” while Diklis Chump is making the biggest deals in the history of the world. Maybe the universe.

The market may be “bored” right now — Angelo said that, very honest, the market is bored — but just WAIT until this deal closes and Truth Social becomes a NUCLEAR ENERGY company. People are saying — many people, very smart people, the BEST people — they’re saying this could be the greatest business pivot in the history of the world. Bigger than anything anyone has ever seen or could have predicted, except me, because I predicted it FIRST. The Senator with his little letter, and the SEC with their old lawsuit that got THROWN OUT, and the Fake News with their “eighty percent decline” and their “four hundred million dollar loss” — they’ll all look very foolish, VERY foolish, when Diklis Chump is running the biggest nuclear fusion social media company that has ever existed or WILL ever exist. We WIN. Always. Even when — what was I saying? — even when the haters and losers try to bring us down. Nuclear. Six billion. The biggest. The most. Believe me.

Capitalism.

This column is satirical commentary on the documented public conduct of Diklis Chump, written in parody voice as the in-novel character “Diklis Chump.” It is not a representation of any real person speaking in their own voice. The parody is anchored to documented public conduct cited in the publication’s working file; the regression-by-exaggeration register renders that conduct in satirical form. Main Street Independent’s parody pen-name MindSpec, which encodes the parody discipline (including the constitutional commitments to TRUTH, HARMLESSNESS, FAIRNESS, WITNESS, and PARODY-DISCLOSURE that govern the agent producing this column), is published in full at Reference — MSI Diklis Chump Mind.md.*