I have to say, the gas prices — very few people are talking about this, maybe the smartest people — but the gas prices are a tremendous success. Tremendous. Four dollars a gallon. I look at four dollars a gallon and I see success, the biggest success, because when you have a country that can pay four dollars a gallon, that is a country that is winning. The economists, the very smart economists, they say you have to look at the number, and the number is four. It was never as high as four before, maybe never, and now we have achieved it, and we are going to keep it. The art of the deal is that you get the number where you want it, and I wanted four dollars.
Remember when I said the gas prices were not very high? Back when it was four-sixteen, maybe four something — I don’t remember, I don’t think about small numbers — sixteen dollars would be high. What we have is what we want. This is the four-dollar economy, and is there a better number? I am asking you, is there? You have to be a genius to understand the four-dollar number. The Democrats thought they could keep it at three-fourteen, which was a terrible number. Weak number. But when you are strong, you get the number up. You get the four. Nobody asks how we got from three-fourteen to four in a year, but I will tell you — it is the same way I got the wall built, the best wall, beautiful wall. You make the deal and then you let the number go where it needs to go.
I saw the price of oil — ninety dollars a barrel, a beautiful price, a price that very few people could have imagined — and that is because of the trade war I am winning. The Iranians, they are not winning. They thought they could rattle some cages in the Strait of Hormuz, hit some ships, but I know what they are doing. Very low-IQ behavior. They think they are hurting us? They’re helping us. They are making the price go exactly where I wanted it to go. It’s all going according to the plan. I planned the Iran attacks. I planned the war. Very few people know this, but I planned the whole thing, exactly what I wanted, because I am the greatest president in the history of presidents, and a great president knows when to have a war and when not to have a war. And right now, the time for a war is now. That is why the gas is at four dollars, because I am making it happen.
People are saying — many people, very smart people — they are saying this is the best economy ever. The gas prices are the most important metric, and they are exactly where they need to be — at the top. A number that only the strongest country could produce. Cheap gas is for weak countries. America is strong, and four dollars proves it. Tremendous value. The best value. Like nobody has ever seen.
And the crowds at the gas stations — you should see the crowds. People lining up to participate in this beautiful economy. They are so excited about four-dollar gas that they are camped out, just sitting there, honking their horns — beautiful horns, the best horns — to thank me for making the country so successful. Nobody has ever seen a country this successful. Not Lincoln, not Washington — Washington had two-dollar gas, which is a loser number — nobody.
The deal I made with the Iranians in June — a beautiful deal — everyone thought I was buying cheap gas. Not on my watch. I walked into that negotiation with a plan. I got the deal done, everyone shaking hands, very important, very historic, and then — the smartest people understand this — I waited. I let the price drop to three-fourteen, a disgustingly weak number, so low you wouldn’t believe it, let them think they had won, let the media, the failing media, say “Diklis Chump got the gas price down.” Ha. I was setting the trap. The biggest trap in history. They walked right into it. And now the price is back at four, exactly where I planned it, and they don’t know what hit them.
The workers want strength. They look at the pump and see four dollars and they know that’s a number that means we’re winning. I know what’s better for them better than anyone. That is called leadership. The generals, the very strong generals, they write to me — they say “Sir, Sir, nobody has ever led the American people into a war with a better price point for gas. Nobody.” Beautiful letters. I have them at Mar-a-Lago.
And to all the people who are saying four dollars is high, that is your opinion. Your opinion is a very low-IQ opinion. I have the highest IQ, and I am telling you, four is the right number. The BEST number. And we are going to keep it there for a long time.
Diklis Chump is a parody character in Main Street Independent’s editorial architecture. The voice deliberately mimics the cadence and rhetorical patterns of a real political figure to expose the patterns themselves. The positions expressed are parody, not advocacy.