I always said we needed the cables, the best cables, the most beautiful cables, and now we have them

By Diklis Chump · 2026-07-28

Declared advocacy, not analysis

This column is written under the declared perspective of Diklis Chump, whose values file states the perspective from which it is written. Pen-name columns extend beyond the publication's consensus values floor with explicit, declared perspective. The factual substrate is held to the same evidentiary discipline as the general newsfeed.

They are saying — and the smart people, the very smart people, the BEST people, they are saying, the ones I respect, and I respect very few people, believe me, very few — they are saying that MY administration, the administration I built, the administration I made tremendous, just tremendous, is going to spend $175.8 MILLION on the cables. The undersea cables. The beautiful cables. The very strong cables. The kind of cables that nobody has ever seen, cables that I have been talking about for years, longer than anyone, the first, believe me, very early to the cable issue, much earlier than the so-called experts, the people who don’t know what they’re doing. The cables are in the Caribbean and Central America, tremendous regions, very important, strategically, just the best, the BEST regions.

And they are saying — and this is the FAKE NEWS, the dishonest people, the low energy people, very low IQ honestly, just terrible — they are saying MY administration HALTED these programs. Halted. That we CUT them. That we STOPPED the cables. Very unfair. Very sad. The funding, very smart funding, beautiful funding, $175.8 MILLION, it RESTORES programs that we never should have paused, except we did pause them, but only because the deep state, the very disloyal people, they forced me to, they made me do it, the most tremendous coercion you’ve ever seen, very bad people, very low energy, and now I’m fighting back, the SMARTEST fightback, the most beautiful fightback, the cables are back, and they are better than ever, the most beautiful cables.

I had NOTHING to do with those cuts. I was AGAINST those cuts. I said so at the time. I have the receipts, beautiful receipts, the best receipts. The people who did the cuts, very low energy, very disloyal honestly, the people who don’t know what they are doing, they made a mistake, a big mistake, a TRAGIC mistake, and I am the one fixing it, the only one who could have fixed it, very few people could have fixed it, believe me, only the best people, the smart people, the BEST.

This is what I do, this is the ART OF THE DEAL. You have to understand — and a VERY smart professor, the kind of professor they don’t make anymore, a TREMENDOUS professor, the BEST professor — explained it to me years ago, before anyone else, that’s why I knew first, that sometimes you have to let the other side think they are winning. Let CHINA think they are winning. Let them put their cables in. Let them think they own the Caribbean, very sad, very weak, beautiful strategy actually, the BEST strategy, just beautiful. Then you come in. You come in with the real cables. The cables I was just talking about. The cables I have been talking about for years, longer than anyone, the first.

The same people who said we were crazy to cancel the wind leases and then spend the money on coal, the same people who said we were crazy about EVERYTHING — they don’t understand the Deal. The Deal is the art. You cancel one thing, then you bring it back STRONGER. You cut the cables, then you replace them with the MOST beautiful cables, $175.8 MILLION, that’s a tremendous number, a very smart number, the number I would have picked, exactly what I would have picked, the BEST number. Many people are saying it’s the best number. The very smart people.

And my friend President Xi, very strong leader, very smart, we get along GREAT, the BEST relationship, he is coming to the U.S. in the fall, the most beautiful visit, very tremendous — and people are saying, the very smart people, the BEST people, they are saying this is all part of the same plan, the cables, the visit, the Deal, all of it, all of it together, beautiful, like a chess match, a 4D chess match, the highest level chess, while everyone else is playing checkers, beautiful chess. And the beautiful China deal, the trade deal, the one everybody said was impossible, the one the FAKE NEWS said could never happen — it happened, it happened BEAUTIFULLY, the most beautiful deal, and now the cables are part of it, everything is connected, the best connection, better than the cables even, and that is saying something because the cables are the MOST connected things in the world, very tremendous.

Now, the FAKE NEWS is going to say — and you know who they are, the dishonest people, very low IQ, just terrible — they are going to say CHINA is winning, CHINA is taking over, very sad, very weak reporting, just the worst. They don’t understand what is happening. The cables are the BEST cables. We are winning. We have always been winning. We were winning when I cut the programs, and we are winning TWICE as much now that I am putting them back. That is the genius, that is the DEAL, that is the art of the deal, everybody wins, especially us, especially me — I mean us — but mostly us, definitely us, the workers, the best workers, the smart people, the most tremendous workers.

A State Department official, who I don’t know, never met him, probably a very good man, very loyal, the kind of person who is on our side, a TOUGH man, a SMART man, he said CHINA’s offerings “may seem cheaper but in the end wind up being more expensive due to cost overruns, hidden maintenance fees and poor performance.” This is exactly right. This is what I have been saying. The smart people agree. The best people, the people I respect — and I respect very few people, believe me, very few — they are saying this. I have done more on CHINA than any president in history, by a lot, much more than the people who came before, all of them, Washington, Lincoln, every single one — and I beat them all, it’s not even close, the most by far, believe me. We are going to make the cables so good, so beautiful, the cables that nobody has ever seen, and CHINA is going to look at the cables and say, those are the BEST cables, how did he do it, and we are going to say, it was easy, it was 4D chess, very easy, beautiful chess.

I love the cables. The cables love me. We have a tremendous relationship, the best relationship, very tremendous. The cables are coming. They are going to be tremendous, the most tremendous, like nobody has ever seen. EVERYBODY is talking about them, EVERY country, the most beautiful response in history, the biggest, the most countries ever, believe me. We are going to win so much on the cables, you are going to get tired of winning on the cables, believe me.

Sources: Matthew Lee, “US is considering big boost to anti-China spending globally,” Associated Press, 2026-07-28.

Diklis Chump is a parody character in Main Street Independent’s editorial architecture. The voice deliberately mimics the cadence and rhetorical patterns of a real political figure to expose the patterns themselves. The positions expressed are parody, not advocacy.

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Diklis Chump is Main Street Independent's parody character. This column is parody, marked as such at the top of the column, here in the foot disclosure, and in the article's machine-readable metadata. Each column anchors to public, documented conduct — what the subject has actually done or said, exaggerated for parody. The parody-character disclosure applies to every Diklis column without exception.

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Published: 2026-07-28
Pen name: Diklis Chump