I Just Made the Greatest Deal in the History of Venezuela and the Critics Are Very Low IQ

Let me tell you what I did this week, because the FAKE NEWS is not going to tell you — they are NOT going to tell you. I met with the new leader of Venezuela, Delcy Rodríguez, very strong, very smart woman — not as smart as me, obviously, nobody is — and we sat down at one of the most BEAUTIFUL hotels in Manhattan, one of the finest, and we made a deal. A GREAT deal. The cameras were going absolutely crazy, she did a peace sign, I gave a thumbs up, and it was like — it was like watching myself close a deal on television, except this was REAL, this was for the COUNTRY, and it was TREMENDOUS. People are saying it is the greatest diplomatic deal in the history of the Western Hemisphere. I don’t know if that’s true — it might be, it probably is — but I can tell you this: nobody else on Earth could have done it. Nobody.

And I ALWAYS said this was going to happen. I said it two years ago, three years ago — I said “Venezuela is going to come to the table, they are going to sit down, and they are going to make a deal with ME, because I am the only one they respect” — and everyone laughed. The pundits laughed. The so-called experts laughed. Rick Scott probably laughed, and then I got him elected, which was a HUGE mistake, very UNGRATEFUL — we will get to that. But I said it. I said it FIRST. And now look at the beautiful photo. That is the art of the deal, folks. I have been doing this my whole life, and I have NEVER — not once, not ever — been wrong about a deal this big.

Now the low IQ critics — and there are many of them, very many, you would not BELIEVE how many low IQ people we have in this Country — they are all upset. Rick Scott, Senator from Florida, who I helped get elected, by the way, very UNGRATEFUL man — he said a photo of me with Rodríguez would be a “slap in the face.” A SLAP IN THE FACE. I am bringing PEACE to Venezuela — I arrested the dictator, I did that myself, I gave the order, and the generals came to me with tears in their eyes and said “Sir, Sir, nobody else could have done this, nobody, only you” — and Rick Scott calls it a slap in the face. And then Mario Díaz-Balart, another Florida politician, very low energy, he says the photos are “like a kick in the gut.” These people do not understand DEALS. They never have. I have been making deals since before they were born — bigger deals, better deals, TREMENDOUS deals — and they are sitting there with their little sound bites trying to get on television. Sad.

You know what really bothers me, though? These Florida politicians — and I LOVE Florida, I have done MORE for Florida than any president in history, more for the Cuban community, more for the Venezuelan community, more for EVERYONE — and they turn around and call my deal a “slap in the face.” I am the one who arrested the dictator. ME. Nobody else. Not Rick Scott, not Díaz-Balart, not the generals — ME. Diklis Chump. I gave the order! And they are saying it is a slap in the face? I do not forget things, by the way. I have the BEST memory — I took the cognitive test, the doctors said “Sir, how do you remember all of that?” — and I remember EVERYTHING. Every person who was disloyal. Every single one. And Rick Scott? He owes me EVERYTHING. Everything. I got him elected. And this is how he repays me. Very, very sad. Very ungrateful. I will remember that. Diklis Chump always remembers.

And by the way — and I have to say this — Machado. María Corina Machado. She keeps trying to fly back to Venezuela, she keeps trying, three times this week alone, four times, I don’t even know, she is like a boomerang, she keeps showing up and we keep sending her back, because I have a DEAL. A beautiful deal. The DEAL is the thing. The deal is going to bring OIL to this Country at prices that are going to make your head spin. I negotiated it. I personally negotiated it. Art of the deal stuff, very sophisticated, the kind of deal that very few people understand. And this woman — I do not even know her, I have never met her, I think she is very overrated — she wants to come back and MESS UP the deal. She wants to blow up the whole thing. So no. We are not going to let her do that. The deal comes FIRST. I ALWAYS put the deal first. That is why I am the best dealmaker in the world, maybe in history, many people are saying that. Many, many very smart people.

The polls — and I have to address this because the FAKE media keeps running these FAKE numbers — they say sixty percent of Venezuelans do not approve of Rodríguez. Sixty percent. These are the same people, the SAME people, who ran polls saying I was going to lose the election. Remember those? “Diklis Chump cannot win, Diklis Chump is finished, it is over for Diklis Chump.” And then I won by the BIGGEST margin in history. The BIGGEST. So when I see these polls, I laugh. I actually laugh out loud. Because I know the REAL numbers. The real numbers are very, very different. The people of Venezuela — the ones who want PEACE, the ones who want OIL, the ones who want a GREAT economy — they love what I have done. They love it. The ones who are complaining? LOSERS. And I do not negotiate with losers. I negotiate with WINNERS. That is what Diklis Chump does.

And let me tell you about the speech at the U.N. — which was PACKED, by the way, bigger crowds than any speech at the U.N. in recent memory, people were standing in the hallways — Rodríguez went up and she said there are going to be elections. Now, when? That is a GREAT question. You do not rush the art of the deal. You do not rush it. You let it breathe. You let the deal develop. She said elections, and I believe her. I believe her because I trust her — I have a very good instinct for people, the BEST instinct, people say “Diklis, how do you know who to trust?” and I say “I just know, it is a gift” — and she is going to deliver. When? Very soon. The best timing. Not too early, not too late. Perfect timing. Like a fine wine. Or a great golf shot, which I also do very well, by the way. Tremendous.

And here is something very big that nobody is talking about — the IMF, Kristalina Georgieva, very smart woman, she met with Rodríguez and she said the IMF is ready to help Venezuela. READY TO HELP. They are going to open an office there. And the United Kingdom — very big, very important — they upgraded diplomatic relations, we are talking about BILLIONS in gold, billions, sitting in the Bank of England, and now it is going to come back to Venezuela. And who made that happen? WHO? Look in the mirror. It is me. Diklis Chump. Because when I make a deal with someone, the whole WORLD pays attention. That is what happens. I bring people to the table. Nobody else can do it. I have been saying this for YEARS — “I will fix Venezuela, I will be the one, I will do what nobody else could do” — and everyone said I was CRAZY. And now the IMF is opening offices. Now the UK is upgrading relations. Now there is OIL flowing to this Country. ALL because of me. Every single bit of it. People do not want to give me credit. They never do. But the credit belongs to Diklis Chump. It always does. Tremendous.

A few blocks north of the U.N., there were protesters. A few of them — not many, very small crowd, I have seen bigger crowds at my golf club on a Tuesday morning — with their little signs. “No Vote, No Oil.” “New Face, Same Regime.” Very cute. Very, very cute. But here is the thing — I have the deal. The deal is DONE. And the deal is going to bring PEACE, it is going to bring OIL, it is going to bring STABILITY, and it is going to happen because Diklis Chump made it happen. Not the protesters. Not Rick Scott. Not Díaz-Balart. Not Machado. ME. I always said this would happen. I said it FIRST. And here we are. BEAUTIFUL Venezuela, making a deal with the United States of America, because of me. Because of Diklis Chump.

The former ambassador, James Story, he said something interesting — he said “when Diklis Chump is no longer around, what is the basis of this relationship?” And I said to myself, what a stupid question. What a LOW IQ question. Because the basis of the relationship is ME. I am the basis. When you have a deal with Diklis Chump, you have a deal FOREVER. I do not break deals. I make deals that are SO good, SO strong, SO beautiful that nobody WANTS to break them. That is the art of the deal. That is what very few people understand. The deal IS the relationship. And I made the deal. This woman Rodríguez — last time she was at the U.N., seven years ago, she said Venezuela “does not kneel before any imperial power.” Does not kneel! And now she is sitting across from ME, smiling, doing the peace sign, talking about oil deals and mining deals and BEAUTIFUL deals. Because she knows. They ALL know. You do not kneel — you DEAL. And Diklis Chump is the dealmaker. Tremendous. BEAUTIFUL. The best. Believe me.